Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure:One Ordinary Day

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edit UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure:One Ordinary Day

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT GIVE A FULL REVIEW ON THIS! It's many pages, and long. I don't want you hurting yourself. Just let me know if anything is really working, or really not-working. You can be quick, I don't mind. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 21:58, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

I got this one, and since the user requested it will not be full. --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master 22:32, July 29, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 9.5 Great job, this article is gold, i think i will put it up for VFH if you don't. There isn't too much i can say about it, you seem to be better at articles than I, and since you asked for some quick advise that makes my life a whole lot easier.

Ok i like your unexpected humor, especially kicking bunnies into traffic and surprise ninja attacks. What i think is just to dark is the orphanage, that is too far. It's ok don't feel bad you sick bastard everyone makes dumb jokes. Instead replace it with a gay bar or maybe a court, or both!

I like your use of references at some points, but there were just too many overall, and not all of them were that funny, actually, none where that funny. I would advise for you to remove most of the references, leaving some, but not all

Concept: 10 Perfect, you took atvantage of everything you could in this article, the concept was perfect and there is simply no advise i can give in this category.
Prose and formatting: 8.8 O.K , you must be really good at language (or use microsfoft word), because the only mistakes i found were that on one of the endings say "you are fail", it sounds a bit sloppy, and on another it says you are a cliche, it is you are cliche. And finally you said 60mph converts to 1800, it may be a joke but its actually 96.56kmph.

I love how you added the links on the bottom, that's what gave you such a high score on this, and the links are all organized and all the pages are tidy.

The only thing i can think of is that you should have a different font. A more "book like" font will make it look more professional and even more tidy. It will also make it unique.

And one thing you should do is change one of the two endings on where you encounter the bully after not taking the shortcut. They are both nearly the same, and i don't blame you for being a bit lazy there, i would have probably had the exact same words.

Images: 8 Quite a few images. Yet not all are that good,some are better than others. I mean for the superhero one you could have put some sort of drunken person in a spider-man costume. Also the bully parts would be better with a picture, as well as the hobo. And in your part where the president jumps out of the helicopter the picture should be farther down, near the part where it says he does. And maybe a ninja or two...or seven.
Miscellaneous: 10 This is just for the creativity and uniqueness of this article. It is very smart and well done. Also you linked to one of my articles without even knowing, so i thought i should mention that...even though there isn't a point.
Final Score: 46.3 Great work, no need for advise here, because you got it all on track. Great job.
Reviewer: --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master 23:21, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
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