My first attempt at an UnBook. I know it has a bit of nerd humor, but I tried to make it accessible. C-C-CH-CHECK IT OUT! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 02:41, Jul 23
Looking for a quick pee eh Mr UnIdiot sir... Happy to oblige... MrNFork you! 03:07, Jul 25
Missed the part about it being an UnBook didn't you. Anyway, I agree with your opinions, I'm trying to get some more pictures, and I have yet to split it into sections yet. Thanks for the quick pee! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 03:37, Jul 25
Lol @Me. Yea, you should really make this an UnBook! :-) In my defence it's 4:45 am... I'm going to bed. Night. MrNFork you! 03:40, Jul 25
I found most of the beginning dull. It kinda went on a lot without really giving me much. I had to read to "This was completely unexpected. I thought I was in the clear! " until I got my first smirk. The Tittywanker stuff is kinda ok, but still... Loved the IRC dialogue. The ending was kinda predictable, but I enjoyed it a lot more than the beginning. You get above average for humour, cos the last part was better than the start.
Kinda a little short on concept for me really. It's a story rather than an article, and might work better under un-books maybe?
Prose and formatting:
The prose is good and consistent, but as it's just one big lump of text it was kinda hard to read. Use some headings and some more niceness in da formatting dude!
OK pics I guess, they more just give you something to look at rather than add to the funny.
I suggest you strip down the start a lot. There is a lot of setting the stage going on, and I don't think you need it all. It did get some giggles, but it's just dam ugly to look at. Moh pretty pls!