Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:A Day in the Life of the Canadian Prime Minister

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edit UnBooks:A Day in the Life of the Canadian Prime Minister

I have a couple doubts about the weaker ones (like with cabinet and first thing in the morning) and not so sure about the pictures. --ShabiDOO 13:46, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry to be editing two of your articles consecutively, but I feel like I have ideas for this one. Two days, tops. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 22:15, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
dont be sorry man...I'm sure youll do a great job!!!! --ShabiDOO 22:59, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
Almost done. Sorry for the wait. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 06:52, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
If its from you...I wan wait for sure man!--ShabiDOO 16:52, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 4.5 Hey again. Let's get started straight away. So first off, I'd like to say that I like the idea behind your article here. Your execution of it though, not as much. However, the latter of those issues shall be discussed in the concept section, so let's focus on humour. Right now, I think your approach towards humour is good and if you maybe implement the jokes in a different form, it will be great. The one thing I wanted to say was that there may be a little too many outfront jokes here and there with your slashing of sentences making the Prime Minister look like a puppet for big corporations and the US government. Although this is generally true stereotype, (aside from the corporations things, wasn't aware of that one), you could definitely re-write those jokes to be less "in your face" and more something along the lines of, "The president schedules another meeting with the executives of the big Oil Companies. His hard-work and effort has produced big gains for the environment of Canada in the form of big tax breaks for the companies and a new "Fuck the Polar Bears, drill mother-fuckers" bill that will head to parliament in the next session. The Prime Minister had defended the vulgarity of said bill, which has caused thousands of Canadians quietly listening to their ham radios to plug their ears for fear of further exposure, as saying that it only shows his determination to pass a bill he believes is better for Canada." More covertness with the jokes seems like a good direction with this article.

Aside from the subtle jokes, I think you could also add some more jokes about the Prime Minister being like the sterotypes says he should and be more childish, like having him seek comfort from a blanket when the US president starts poking him or something. The remaining issues are mainly within the execution of the article. Look into the concept section for suggestions on that.

Concept: 5 So, I like your concept. However, as I've stated before, the execution could be better. The first thing I though about when I read this article is that you should put it into the format of a first-person article of the Prime Minster. Instead of having it as a narration, have it so that it sounds like, "8:10 Had breakfast with grandmama today. She told me that the international attempts of the US to join the international community into a global war on terror would only succeed through intense diplomatic pressure against others including Canada, and also said that she was able to stitch pooky bear's eye back on after my stuffed toy tea party incident." Somehow, I feel that a first person approach to this article will serve better because it will allow you to poke more fun at the Prime Minister because you can then talk through him and have him talk about some norms or something that he does that is silly or childish. Also, maybe include some more subtle things like having him take 'cat' naps constantly and have some short but funny things about him here and there like, " 2:15. Looked a porn. 2:16 Whipped myself in the presence of a bible. 2:15-3:00 Prayed that my sexual actions would not condemn Canada to hell like its American brother." So yea, I feel like a first person narration of...a diary? Maybe? It seems like you'd have more potential to insert extra jokes and that it would funnier that way. That's about it, can't really suggest anything else as those are the main points of the article in regards to humour, but I think a more in-depth review will be due after you fix up this article. That's about for here.
Prose and formatting: 7 I believe I did notice a couple of spelling errors, but I believe that is about it. Format wise, it is a little tight, but that is in combination with your tight sections and all your pictures. Follow the image advice for the latter problem and for the sections, maybe have an introductory section and then have all the times as subtitles. Also, maybe instead of times, have like MORNING and maybe time intervals between them so you can fit more in them. The number of sections isn't really contributing to the humour. That's about it.
Images: 6 You have a lot of images and they are good. However, I can't help but feel like you don't need all of the images in here. It seems more like, "All the faces of the Prime Minister", rather than an article kind of thing. Maybe cut down on some and keep the ones that are principal, like that cat image and the baseball one. Also, if you cut some down, that will help with format and give you space to write captions into the picture, because that is a big negative in the article right now. Fit in some hilarious captions like for the first one "10:15, The Prime Minister appears on international television demanding that terrorists halt their activites or "The kitty gets it." " Really, I think this article is prime for captions, so you should look to that.
Miscellaneous: 6 The article has a lot of potential, but also needs a bit of work. I'll be glad to look at it again whenever you finish, because I feel like this could be VFH worthy some day. Anyways, cheers!
Final Score: 28.5 Yup. Yup yup yup yup. Yup? Yupyupyup. Yup yup yup yup, yup yup, yup yup, yupppppppppp! Talkpage for questions and comments. YUP!
Reviewer: --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 18:48, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
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