Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:2112 Overture

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Revision as of 01:42, September 4, 2010 by PeregrineFalcon999 (talk | contribs)

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edit UnBooks:2112 Overture

69.244.129.141 13:19, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

Peregrine-falcon This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

I'll take a shot at this.--Some_idiot.png 01:02, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Hello there. I'm your reviewer - although you already know that. And I'm here to help out this article. It needs a bit of improvement - but, luckily, I know how to do that. For now, just ignore the scores. They're not exactly important here. Maybe they measure the range of improvements that are needed, but what really counts here are the comments, because they are what will really juice out the potential of your article. Ready? Then let's go...

This article is not really funny. Why? Because it is in complete chaos. Complete randomness like this can be amusing, and even give the reader a chuckle, but your chaos is not quite doing any of that. Because you have no reason for it.

You article starts out quite well with your introduction, in a calmer tone. You may want to work on it a bit, however, as it is not exactly funny. Firstly you not only need to completely explain your subject, but an introduction has to draw the reader in. Your intro didn't quite do that. So you can work on that.

But then your article jumps into complete pandemonium. It confuses, it's not funny, and gives the reader a quick excuse to leave the article right away. There are some signs of humor mixed in, even some laughable ideas and moments, but they are drowned out by the way you have written it and can't get any laughs. Only confused looks. I can tell your article is supposed to be written in this chaotic first person style, but it just doesn't work. At all.

First of all, check out some of the featured content. This article will be a good one, because it is written in the first person style you are aiming for, but has a good concept and doesn't aim to confuse the reader. Check out H.T.B.F.A.N.J.S., which will help you a lot. You don't have to steal ideas from articles, just learn from different styles and try to get a good idea of the style you want to use, and how you are going to use it to your potential.

The next big problem you have to sort out is your concept. You’ve got to decide what you are trying to say here. Maybe you already have, but the written style of your article has completely ruined your ideas. Your article is called '2112 Overture', but I feel this doesn’t relate at all to your article. Use this title to your advantage, and really try to sit on what you want to say. Once you’ve got the idea of what you want to say, you need to expand on your ideas.

Concept: 3 Well, I can hardly give you this score, because I don't even know what your concept is. I’ve gone into this in the humor section, but I’ll say it one more time – you’ve really got to find your concept, make it clear, and work on it. Juice everything out and try and make it funny using your ideas. Use everything to it’s potential.
Prose and formatting: 2 This is also a very big problem in your article. Here are your problems from this section, in convenient dot point style…
  • Your style of prose is different and unique, but as I’ve already gone into, it is very confusing and not well done. You can keep this kind of style, but you have overdone to the point that it just ruins the article.
  • Your spelling and grammar definitely needs work. This also elevates the confusion that the crazy style of writing has produced, so you need it fixed. Re-read your article, copy/paste it to a Microsoft Word document and do a spell-check, or add {{Proofread}} to your article. This needs fixing, so really concentrate on it.
  • You have no links. Links are very important to all wiki articles. They make it look better, more professional, give emphasis on words like italics do, and can be funny if you click a link and it goes somewhere else. In other words, you need some links.
  • Your article looks very monotone. Your paragraphs are very short and all the same length. The article is also very short. But the reason your article doesn’t look very good is because…
Images: 0 …you have no pictures. Pictures are very important to any good article – they add humor and put up the looks of the article. I’m sorry I can’t say anything about image suggestions here, because I have no idea what you’re concept is.

Always make sure your images tie in with you subject. - if they don’t, always add captions that will tie them in. Captions also help to make unfunny images funny.

Miscellaneous: 4 My overall rating of your article.
Final Score: 12 As you see, there’s a lot of to think about here, and a lot to improve. To sum everything…
  • You need to find a concept, and make sure what you are trying to say
  • Use that concept to it’s potential.
  • Try and fix up your style of writing – make it less confusing and easier to understand.
  • Fix up your spelling and formatting stuff.

These are the things that need improving, and if you improve them you article quality will go up. If you try your best to improve these things you will have a very solid article.

I hope I haven’t sounded a bit harsh with my comments and scores, because all this is supposed to do is to improve your article. I hope I have helped here!

Reviewer: --Some_idiot.png 01:40, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
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