Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Total Drama Island (The First Reality Show Without Reality)

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edit Total Drama Island (The First Reality Show Without Reality)

I just got a notice that this page is "ugly" and needs some fixing up. So could somebody take a look and tell me what's wrong with it? Here's an important note... For some reason this link here is linked to the wrong article, to look at the real article type in Total Drama Island (The First Reality Show without Reality) in the search box. PsychotypeD 05:14, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Fixed the link, apparently, the code doesn't like parenthesis.--Mnbvcxz 02:44, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
Concept: 6 Your concept is good, and you have a decent base article to work from. However, the list of characters might be putting your behind the 8 ball. This section is 22 characters long, and takes up bulk of your article. I am familiar with the show, but are there minors characters in that list? If there are, you should create a sub-page of "Minor TDI characters" to clean that up. Additionally, you need to add more non-character-list content.
Prose and Formatting: 5.9 You article give off any ugly feel to it. The following may be contributing to the ugliness:

Lack of links. You should generally have a few links per paragraph. If you don't have links, it would look off to the reader. Avoid any red links and don't overdo links. Try to link to articles your reader might actually want to look at, such as people or locations mentioned in your article.

A general listy feel to the article. I would suggest removing the quotes and the challenges section, or at least a serious shortening and rewriting. Nobody wants to read a list 26 items long regardless of how many good one-liners are in it. I'd also suggest fleshing it out with more nonlisty material. The characters are in a list, but their really isn't a way around that. I tried converting the characters to sub sections instead of a per list per say, and sticking the characters with sort sections in a "characters nobody cares about section". You might want to flesh out the bios for these characters and change them into sub sections. I did some of this cosmetic editing before reading it.

The article needs to have an introduction paragraph. This is above any section or sub section headers. I tried to make the plot section the opening paragraph, it might not flow good, and needs to be me more deadpan, but it takes some of the ugly out of the article.

Avoid having images upon images, to two images close together in the middle of otherwise image-less text. Also, in lists, images normally look best on the right, otherwise, try to alternate the side images are on. The characters section, while not a list, has a very "listy" feel to it, so I moved all images there to the right.

Also, as a rule, images are best placed right under section or sub section headings.

As you have noticed, I have done some fixes to it, but it still has an ugly feel for some reason, but that might be because I was the one who cleaned it up. I have the feeling that articles I clean up are still ugly. When I started, it was about 3.5 to 4.
Images: 6 The images are ok, but only the last one (Owen vs the chicken) stood out. Overall, they are too dull. Also, the second and third one are too busy, it is hard to see what is going on.
Humour: 5 You have funny sections, and a good bit of coherence and consistency. However, your article is too tame and fancrufty. It basically looks like its 90% wikipedia article and 10% of a GP version of ED. Your at the point where you run the risk of sliding into randomness, dullness, or hatecruft (blind, excessive, unjustifiable hatred of the topic, an "attack piece" this goes far beyond the normal mocking hostility appropriate for most subjects) if you overreact against the dullness or fancruftiness of your article. You need to make it funny while avoiding the twin errors of randomness and hatecruft.

Try to avoid material only a frequent watcher of the show would know, or, better yet, try to explain the show humorously.

Finally, you should avoid excessive bolding or capslocking. You'll sound overly dramatic. There are times when its appropriate to sound "shocked", but not over a cartoon.
Improvability Score: 6.5 This article has some potential, it basically needs a humor injection. However, that is not as easy as it might seem. As I stated above, you need to avoid hatecruft and random. Also, there is not method for creating humor; clean formatting is a science, humor is an art.
Final Score: 29.4 Work on making it look better.
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz 03:57, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
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