Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tortuga (2nd PR)

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edit Tortuga (2nd PR)

Spikebrennan 21:01, 16 June 2008 (UTC)

Hey Spikebrennan, just glanced over it: looks good! I'll get to this sometime within the next three days. Apologies for any inconvenience, Mightydandylion Icons-flag-us (talk) Fk 17:32, 21 June 2008 (UTC) Sorry Spikebrennan, it's been here long enough: I do not want to keep your hopes up for a review. Sorry, Mightydandylion Icons-flag-us (talk) Fk 05:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Holy crap. 24 days from request to review. We're slacking, here. --Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 20:13, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Well, the concept of this article is certainly a gutsy move. This article contains almost no jokes. Instead, pretty much the entire joke is the fact that the history of Tortuga is being told by a (very well-informed) pirate in perhaps the 1690s.

Is that enough? The guy who did your last Pee Review thought it was enough. I don't. I got a chuckle out of the first three sentences or so, but after that, I just felt like I was reading Wikipedia in a way that made it more difficult to read.

At the end, the article does attempt a few jokes. Unfortunately, the "University of Tortuga" section just completely falls flat and needs to go. The picture is amusing enough, but it doesn't need its own section, particularly if that section isn't going to say anything funny. The "Law Enforcement" section got a smile out of me. Some reviewers have a "no short sections, no exceptions" policy, but this is one situation where it worked out very nicely.

But the middle section... is just hard to get through. Sentences like "By th' year 1670, as th' buccaneer era be in decline, many o' th' shipmates, seekin' a new source o' trade, turned t' log cuttin' an' tradin' wood from th' isle, the cowardly swabs." - I haven't visited Wikipedia:Tortuga, but I'm guessing that is in fact exactly what happened. So.. yeah. The only joke is that the narrator called them "cowardly swabs." And that's just not funny enough to justify the sentence. Unfortunately, throughout the whole middle section, that tends to be the rule rather than the exception.

Concept: 6 It's a good concept, telling the story of Tortuga from the point of view of a pirate in the late 17th century. But it's not enough of a concept to stand up on its own. For one thing, I feel like the extensive encyclopedic knowledge of this pirate is causing him to break character. What kind of a pirate is familiar with nearly a century of accurate history? Certainly, you'd think there would be (many) things the pirate didn't know, blatant misconceptions on the part of the pirate, and all kinds of maritime legends that would be spun into "fact." I really do think keeping all three of those things in mind could make this article a great deal funnier.

Just spitballing a few ideas: why not have the pirate talk a little about where on Tortuga the treasure is buried? How about a few words about the sea monster lurking nearby? Something about how the timber industry began out of necessity, as many of Tortuga's inhabitants found themselves needing new legs? There's really no reason at all this article has to (or should) be accurate. As long as you keep it just accurate enough to ground it in the universe you've created (i.e., the mind of a late 17th century pirate) and don't start talking about, say, Super Mario Bros., there's no reason not to deviate from reality.

Prose and formatting: 9 The prose is, of course, the highlight of the article. Unfortunately, this is the section where I can offer you the least amount of help. On "National Talk Like A Pirate," all I can do is wander around saying "Arrr!" and "Avast, ye lubbers!" One thing that did catch my eye: are you sure pirates say "wee"? That sounds awfully Irish/Scottish to me, and I don't think there were a lot of Irish/Scottish pirates. Overall, though, this is very well done.
Images: 6 The images are mostly filler. Blackbeard's caption could be funnier. The "navy" picture is pointless, because you're setting the article in a universe where that actually is what the navy looks like - which means it's not a joke. The university picture... well, honestly, it's funny, but it's kind of funny in a dumb way. And this, at least in its current incarnation, is a pretty highbrow article. So I'm not sure it fits.
Miscellaneous: 7 'cause this deserves at least a 32.
Final Score: 32 Well, no real final comment. I personally think that if you follow the advice in the "Concept" box, this could be hilarious. But, then, it's my advice. So I would think that, wouldn't I? Anyway - good luck!
Reviewer: Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 20:31, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
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