Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tootsie Rolls
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RAHB IS REVIEWING THIS! (I just don't have a fancy template like the rest of you reviewing guys).
Cheapinitreal 07:00, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Alright, rather than a consistent "6" throughout the entire course of the article, this one more averages out. There are parts (especially the history bits) that really are tiring to read. Then there are parts like the Where Tootsie Rolls Come From section, which I found to be mostly very funny. I like the idea that tootsie rolls are this inexplainably indestructible product, that despite being so popular, nobody seems to really know what the hell it is.
The problems with a lot of the history bits are that they're little more than simply mock history bits. I know exactly where you're coming from on this, as lots of my earlier attempts were very similar in premise. The problem is, when putting so much effort into describing the origin of something, it is insanely common to come away with not having written anything funny, and instead having just written a creative falsehood. The intent is good, but the final product ends up weak.
I'd condense the several history parts you have into one shorter history section, then include things like Tootsie Roll's influence on popular culture, the search for the explanation of why the hell they are so indestructible, and have that exploration fail, and include something absurd, like Tootsie Roll running for president, or Tootsie Roll taking on a semi-successful sports career, or something.
Definitely reiterate the idea with how they're so damn popular and yet nobody knows what the hell they are, or why they can withstand being run over by a train, and yet can be chewed and digested easily. I like that idea, it has good comedic premise, and has some good execution in the earlier parts of the article.
|Concept:||7||The mystery of the Tootsie Roll. I like it. Also, as above.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Could use some cleaning up in little areas, but you've got good enough command of the English language it seems.|
|Images:||4||The ones there are rather bland, and also rather small. If you can come up with a good idea for a funny concept for an image for this, I could probably 'chop it up for you, or you could ask on the requested images page for one. Pictures can really make an article have a sense of "fullness." Kind of like reverb. Except with visuals. Woooooooo, visuals.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||It's miscellaneous alright.|
|Final Score:||32||Take a look at the humor comments and image comments I made, and the things I've told you in IRC, and you could have a very good article here. Oh, and one more thing. New quotes. Preferably, no quotes at all, but there could be some good ones to throw in. I wouldn't have any more than two though. Eventually they detract from the humor of the overall article, and can mislead readers on initial viewing. I'll have to be perfectly honest with you when I say I don't think the ones there are very funny, but then most quotes on this site aren't exactly comedic gold. Hope this review helps you out.|
|Reviewer:||-06:08, 10 May 2008 (UTC)|