Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tooth Fairy

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edit Tooth Fairy

Sog1970 19:57, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Lazytownlogo Orian57 is currently reviewing your article.

Conversely he is also whoreing: LazyTown




Humour: 8 As it is it’s very funny. Nomable, even but it needs some work aesthetically, and, I think, could be made loads better (and a tad longer, as it stands it’s a little bit short) if you wrote it slightly differently. See P&F for suggestions.
Concept: 8 I liked the concept you had here, it may be a tad obvious but we really should have had an article on the Tooth Fairy. If you take the advice on re-writing don’t change the basic concept.
Prose and formatting: 5 On the grounds of poor formatting more than the prose, though there were bits that you need to check.

Format: don’t star off with a header, least of all one that says “it starts”, it’s a tad redundant and breaks convention, just launch into it. Bolding speech really doesn’t work for me and just looks messy. I’ve taken to using a different font for speech, which makes it a bit easier to distinguish from normal text without screaming off the page. To use different text put in the following code

<font face="Verdana"> talking goes here </font>

The font you change to is optional, of course, that’s just one that I use. And I am aware it can be a pain if you have loads of dialogue but you don’t really.

Personally, I wouldn’t put quotation marks for thoughts, however I would leave them italicised.

Prose: Now I’ve mention possibly doing a slight re-write on this, it shouldn’t be too bad because most of your content and jokes and stuff are very good. I just don’t particularly like reading second person, and I’ve seen on VFH that other people seem to be getting tired of it. I would go for first person, from the POV of the boy, obviously, however third person would probably work OK too. Basically this would also sound better and deliver the jokes better you could also expand into some of the other things you mention without it sounding awkward. That is just my opinion though, feel free to ignore it.

Images: 5.5 Ok so the first one seemed a tad out of place, it was more “aww” than funny but I guess it worked. Per haps a different caption, something like “Sure it’s all smiles now but wait for the dental bills.”

Second one: Hilarious. Possibly needs to be a bit smaller though.

Third: I don’t think I got this one. Was it meant to be the old man in the shop? Needs to be a bit clearer.

Four and Five: You need one or the other really, as it stands they’re too crowded and it looks messy. I actually think picture five (the one on the left) with picture four’s caption would work pretty good.

Miscellaneous: 6.7 (Averaged, rounded to 1DP)
Final Score: 33.2 If you’d like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.
Reviewer:    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 18:50 26 June 2009
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