Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tom DeLonge (Cyberman)

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edit Tom DeLonge (Cyberman)

This is the first article i wrote, it combines two of my favourite things: Doctor Who and mocking Tom DeLonge! Only Doctor Who fans will really get it. --ScottBurnan 17:02, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I'm not expert in Dr. Who, but this has been here a while now, so I will have a look... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 21:09, Nov 15
Humour: 6 OK, first of all... Cut it back to 2 or 3 quotes. Less is more. Well, it's less, but it's more. Get me? No? OK, Just keep the 3 best ones. ;)

"His early life was very similar to that of the Tom DeLonge of our universe, with the key difference being that he wasn't quite as much of a twat" got the first chuckle out of me... Reading though my first impression was 'what is this random nonsense'? I'm sure it's not, and it's actually related to the person and the Dr Who series in lots of ways which I don't understand as I'm not really a fan of either. The problem is, that (I think maybe) a lot of other readers will be in the same boat as me. If you can find a way to make this appeal to people who are not fans of the subject matter this would surely be a much better article. In places it did appear really random and if that is the case (it might not be) think about if that is a good idea. Personally I find things more funny when they are related to the truth, but twisted somehow.

"The kiss led to a wild night of rampant sex between the two, an encounter which cost Tom his life. " -- or "The episode ended with Connor being cryogenically frozen, while Tom and Jack shared an upside down kiss. " Really? Come on. You can be more subtle than that. ;-)

Concept: 6 I'm struggeling to see the relationship between Tom DeLonge, and the Cybermen, but Hea, I don't know who Tom DeLonge is, so it appeared to be somewhat random to me. I guess that you know the characters involved very well, but it's always useful to read the Wikipedia pages for them to get inspiration for ideas.

Generally I think you could improve the article by using slightly more subtle language, and in places avoiding the obvious lines...

My concept score my well be totally off, as I have possibly completely missed the whole thing. Sorry if I have.

Prose and formatting: 7.5 Generally nicely written with few problems to report. Well, linked, and reads nicely.
Images: 7 I felt that the images were an accompaniment to the article, rather than adding much to the humour. Again, this may because I'm no an expert in the subject matter. Also, the formatting does not look that great on my screen resolution (1024*768). Try some different resolutions and see what it looks like. Personally I would remove the spoilers template, and probably the template at the top. I don't think they improve the look of the article, but hea... That's just my opinion.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 {{Pee|6|6|7.5|6.5}}
Final Score: 33 I'm sure this is very good if you know the person well, and are a fan of the show. If you want this to appeal to a wider ordinance you will need to find a way to make them understand what is going on, or atleast add some more general humour which will be appreciated by everyone. Don't be too disapointed by my scoring, I'm notoriously harsh. Sorry I could not be more help. It is a very nice article, and I look forward to reading other things which you have written. :-)
Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 21:44, Nov 15
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