Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Timbaland (Re-Submission

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edit Timbaland

212.137.42.1 13:35, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Concept: 4 The subject matter is obscure and too pop-reference-y. But the main problem is that the article is too random and attack crufty. Its looks almost like a merger of an ED article and a random ip article. The plagiarism thing has some potential, but it is wielded far to bluntly and repeatedly. Also, the article does come across as too attack-y. The this-guy-sucks theme often comes across as overly melodramatic and not really called for. It creates a sort of Nobody cares attitude in the reader. Try to mention other humorous things that he did and other actions that cause him to suck. If you do that, then you won't need to tell the reader that he sucks every other sentences.

Your article also relies to much on crassness. Now, it is ok to swear, but if you are using naughty words as a substitute for humor, its not funny.
Prose and Formatting: 5.5 Overall, it doesn't look too bad, but you have the following issues:

No many red links. My theory on red links is that they should be avoided except when they are being used as a joke.

Short sections Try to avoid one paragraph sections or one line paragraphs as much as is possible. If you have a one or two line paragraph, ask yourself if it can be merged with the paragraph above or below. Also, if a section is too short, particularly when you have a series of short sections, demote some to sub-sections. Often, its better to have a slightly illogical section/sub section grouping than to have the ugliness of too many sections per amount of text.
<Br.To much white space I fixed this. Your problem was you were putting extra lines before and after images, this is unneeded and makes your article ugly. If fact, when it goes header, image, text, the image can be on the otherwise empty line between the header and text. The wiki formatting will still leave a space between the header and text.

Bad intro formatting The first paragraph shouldn't have a header. It creates too much white space and gives unneeded info. I corrected this for you, along with the whitespace issue. Also, the pic generally should be at the top with the quotes, it just looks better there.

As a rule, you should make the article look like similar articles, its part of the running joke of this wikia. The exception to this is when your trying to make the article look like what it is about.

Finally, it could use a spelling and grammar check.
Images: 6 Images are ok, but nothing stands out. You should have a pic of the subject matter, but you don't really have a pic of him doing funny things. The 2nd one is trying in that category. The 3 pic, along with the section it is in, should go. The 4th one isn't that good either.
Humour: 3.5 Overall: 3.5 The humor is rather weak, relying to much on randomness, attacks, and outlandishness. Humor score is overall, I did not review each and every section separately, most tend to have the same basic problems running throughout.

By section

Intro: 2.5 This section sets the tone as too attacky. You might want to consider a quote purge. I personally don't like header quotes, the tend to start out too strong. As a rule, you should start deadpan and then get more Wilde from there.

Associated Acts - 2001 to 2002: 3.5 These section has the attacky and random feel that is the rule for your article. There is some stuff that is funny, in a nonsensical way, but most of that is off topic and sort of forced in .

Scott Storch: 3 here, it looks like you ran out of ideas and began inserts bios about other people in your article. This gives it a little bit of a one-liner feel to it.

Hiatus And Other Projects: 2 You should probably get rid of this section. It doesn't make sense and is too listy.

Triumphant Return To Plaigarism: 3 I'd get rid of the list. Nobody wants to read a long list of random items. As a rule lists tend to be bad, they tend to attract out of the blue one-liners or outright randomness. Generally, put the information in paragraph form if possible.

remainder of the article: 3 I would get rid of the discography section and try to rewrite the trivia section in paragraph form. Also, the Private life section looks listy (too many short paragraphs) and random. It looks like it should be fleshed out, or the information therein should be put in other areas. Most of the events described there happened during his early life period
Improvability Score: 4 I think this will be hard to improve. The subject matter is too obscure and pop-reference-y. Then again, I'm not exactly that familiar with the recording industry.
Final Score: 23 good luck.
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz 22:56, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
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