Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Thilo

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edit Thilo

I wrote this as my first article, as a parody of a fairly popular satirist, Thilo Savage the Ninja Pirate. I use the same exaggerative line of thought you would expect to see in other idolizing articles. Something I would really like to hear from my reviewer is comments about the end. I thought it might have been a bit weak, and I'd like some suggestions on how I could improve it.

Now I'm off to review an article myself so I don't feel like a selfish bastard!

FiveCNickel 05:18, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5 It's not really very funny. An idea might be to make the 'Author' of the article sound more geeky given that this is the usual type of writer who would write these types of articles. It would up the laugh count if we laughed at the Author rather than with him. Thilo should be written about in a God-like deference. The intensity in which Thilo is idolized should be in direct proportion to how unimportant Thilo actually is. Ground more of the article in reality.
Concept: 5 The idea you've chosen is a touch obscure. I'm not certain how many people are familiar with this concept. I know I'm not. I only really knew what your thinking behind the article was from the description you gave above. I didn't get that from the article itself when I should have. I do appreiciate the concept of the idolizing, but you need to go way over the top to get that message across. Make almost religious the worshipping of Thilo as your focus. The sune should shine out of his ass. Your article can be more of a comment on fan worship if you add into the mix those ardent pop star, movie star fans, autograph hunter/stalkers and the strange way they operate.
Prose and formatting: 5 Your prose is slap dash. The sentences need to flow - There's a lot of stop/start here. Increase the idolatry levels in what is being said. The 'Author' has to almost be in love with Thilo. Reflect that in the language. Also, you have a habit of linking externally to Uncyclopedia. I'm no expert, but a [[ ]] around the relevant word will rid your article of those unsightly arrowboxes.
Images: 0 No images. Fatal. I hate giving a 0, it's so counterproductive.
Miscellaneous: 5 Start again with a firmer reality base, then you can shoot off on the flights of fancy. But it's important that everyone who reads it understands the concept first before you hit the fantasy elements.
Final Score: 20 Overall, needs much more work. But you do have a not uninteresting footing for an article here.
Reviewer: Geoffprickett 20:10, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
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