Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Yardbirds

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edit The Yardbirds

Please don't say listy, because I reduced the few lists by 75%). If you know the Yardbirds this is a hoot.

Funnybony 16:47, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 The humour seems to pick away at various aspects of the Yard Birds. There's a lot of references to God like stuff which are not followed through on. I'm sorry but lists do show a lack of effort and are lazy. Why not for example like the Crime and Punishment section to the fact that they are God's back up band and rewrite it as proper prose. Also just work the quotes into the body of the article.
Concept: 5 There doesn't really appear to be concept except that they are God's backup band. This is then quickly forgotten and not mentioned after the first section. I don't understand why this is abandoned. Maybe the article should look into what it's like to be God's backup band, what that entails. It descends in to this muddled style. I know you said don't mention that it's listy but this does detract from the article. This article does not have an overall theme. It needs this badly.
Prose and formatting: 7 Very straight forward language which contains little lyrical flourish. Could really do with some livening up with more considered description and colour. Write in paragraphs not lists. Cut all the lists!!
Images: 4 A picture of the band and then a reference to one of their albums. This could be improved greatly with the addition of an amusing image or two.
Miscellaneous: 5 Ummm
Final Score: 26 This is a muddled and then descends into a listy mess. Needs some imagination and a strong idea. Maybe follow through on the God's backup band idea. Go down this route - let your imagination go mad. How would God talk to his back-up band? Is Eric Clapton a profit? The true Jesus? Which musical act is the enemy of God? You need to some how create a consistent universe for The Yardbirds. Also try Freewriting - it's a great idea to get new ideas. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_writing explains what it is. Seriously have a go.
Reviewer: mAttlobster. (hello) 16:07, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
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