Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Who: My Re-Generation

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

FAQ

edit The Who: My Re-Generation

It's The Who with Time Lords really Sog1970 08:56, September 19, 2009 (UTC)

Within 24 hours, Who will be done by WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 04:00, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 8 As you asked me for comments and suggestions on this before, I might as well do a review. I like to explain my expertise or lack thereof at the beginning. I've seen most incarnations of The Doctor/Doctor Who as per television (I saw at least one complete adventure for 2-9, and on most of the doctors I've seen most if not all of their stories), have read a Who novelization or two, and am of course familiar with the Who musical group, but don't know as much about them. (I'm going to have to make my own template that has an intro at the beginning).

I put most humour comments under the P section.

Concept: 8 I love the title, but think it's a difficult concept to carry off. But you do carry it off.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 Would easily be an 8 with minor fixes. My comments are divided by paragraph. I'm actually putting my comments for humour here too so I can avoid unnecessary repetition. My comments are in the order things appear in the article, and each paragraph below is a different paragraph in your article.
  • "In 1964 would be rock and roll entrepreneur and BBC producer, Kit Lambert,...." minor point, but should either be "In 1964 a would be" with the commas, or as is but without commas.
  • Just curious, but what's the phone number from?
  • "Lambert signed him as drummer, making use of his ability to hit things repeatedly for hours without losing interest." Love it, especially as I like to drum.
  • "Coincidentally, guitarist, Peter Townshend" no comma after "guitarist."
  • "for his own band, Pirate Pete and the Kiddie-Fiddlers when his social worker showed him the ad." Should be comma after Kiddie-Fiddlers. I hate that I like this band name, but I find it funny.
  • Lambert began to wonder whether restricting the advertisement to Angling Times and Convict Weekly had been wise." You built this punch line up over several paragraphs--nice job. "As the only rejected applicant left the audition he swore to pursue vengeance through space and time."--this part keeps me wanting to read the article; good.
  • "Lambert chose The High Numbers" I'm curious if this is true of the Who.

Early days

  • "Lambert aimed The Who...multi-dimensional, time-travelling motor scooters." nice lead in to a punch line and Doctor Who reference.
  • "In September 1964, during a performance at the Railway Tavern, Scarrow, Townshend...." This part of the sentence is a bit confusing with all the commas. I like the parts about the Sontarans. " un-timely death."--nice timely tie-in. "Hartnell's body began to glow and an eerie green light" in the real TV show, we never saw this transformation. Nice to see it here (that's my fan side talking).
  • "A large crowd attended the next concert hoping for more homicide and resurrection...." Maybe a word other than "attended," which sounds generic. Thesaurus time. Something like "flocked to the next concert?"
  • "...struggling to find a new body form that would allow them to more fully take their place in society." nice.
  • "People try to put us d-down,(Talkin' 'bout Re-Generation)...." this sound is a definite Yes. No, I mean definite Who. No, I mean I really like it.

A Quick One and The Who Sell Out

  • "Townshend wanted The Who's next album to form a unified whole rather...." I don't know that "to form" fits here. "To be"? "The 1966 album A Quick One, was anything...."--unneeded comma.
  • "Fortunately, Troughton’s mastery of Time and Relative Dimensions meant that only ten minutes elapsed on Earth during the entire writing and recording process within the Tardis." I like this, but would like it better if "ten minutes," the punch line, came at the end of the sentence.
  • "...a concept album like an offshore radio station...." I don't get the reference or the joke, but that may just be my ignorance. "...quantum singularity" and "black hole"--wouldn't this cause a lot more damage than Troughton's regeneration? Maybe you could explain this, like Troughton lies his body across the singularity to reverse the polarity, or something (many early Doctor Whos had reversing the polarity of whatever to fix things).

Timmy

  • "Later he is abused...." The sentence above make the identify of "he" vague--suggest you say "the boy is abused" or "Timmy is abused". "He becomes pinball champion of England’s south coast, a position which inexplicably leads to celebrity." Good point and fits the real story-movie. And Timmy leads the Daleks--don't know why I like this, but I do.
  • "Roger Waters of Pink Floyd....Ian Anderson...." love the ironic criticism.
  • "...2–3am on Sunday morning" should be "2 - 3 a.m."
  • The Abbie Hoffman part--this is largely historical (or at least one version--too bad it wasn't captured on camera), but works because you use it to make Pertwee go bye bye.

The 1970's

I notice you give short shift to the longest-running Doctor Who, Tom Baker. A little irony?
  • "Who's Next named after Roger Daltrey's customary greeting to groupies having dismissed the previous night's lucky lady." --nice.
  • "...a more accomplished bass-player, Colin Baker." Colin was a better bass player than Peter? Ha!
  • "Again, the popularity of The Who’s Rock Opera...." I think it should be "The Who's rock opera...."
  • "By contrast 1974’s Who by Numbers...." like this part.
  • "By 1978 Keith Moon’s drinking..." ditto.
  • "The funeral was attended by members of The Who , their...." extra space before comma. Also you say the current bass player is Davidson, not Colin Baker.

Without Moon: Decline, break-up and resurection (ressurection)

  • "...Corall, a major UK bookmakers." Should be bookmaker.
  • "Sadly, even the publicity generated...." yeah, that girls' choir would draw all the fans. Nice. "...attendances at Who concerts were often as low as eight (people)...." or some other rewording. "...The Who decided to break up (comma) citing musical indifference."
Images: 8.5 Great. The Hartnell pic has nothing to do with this article--except you say he's trying to master the Hammond organ, which makes it work. Love cyberman guitarist, Death dumb and blind with caption, and Keith Moon photo with the caption.
Miscellaneous: 7 Why a 7? Because if I gave you an 8 it would mean this is ready to be featured. So I cheated against you to encourage you to make a few minor edits. Mean of me, huh? (You didn't know I like The Master, did you?)

Just for historical purposes, here's the comment I made about two weeks back when you asked me to check this over. I read your article. This may be an example of a great-sounding idea that's extremely difficult to pull off. I loved the beginning, and in fact laughed at the title--love it. But unfortunately you may have a situation where only people who are both rabid Who fans and rabid Doctor Who fans will get it. Mixing two different things like this is very tricky in a encyclopediac format. I noticed your Who parts are a great deal more detailed than your Doctor Who parts, and of course you explained you know more about the group than the Doctor. Personally, I suspect this could work as a short article with references that even casual fans would get (I don't know enough about the Who to get many of the references). But I don't know how to pull it off at its current length. Maybe as a short UnBook or something? I'm not saying it couldn't be done as a long article, I just don't know how. And unfortunately I don't know Who could help. WHY??? 19:49, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Final Score: 39 Please make a few minor fixes, then post a note on my talk page.
Reviewer: WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:02, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
Personal tools
projects