Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Tempest (re-review)

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edit The Tempest

Okay, this is the second submission of The Tempest to Pee Review. The first time it was reviewed (see here), it got an okay review, but it needed more pics and a better layout. Weel, I've redone the layout a bit better, and put in some picture. So here's hoping it's gonna be good. So don't completely rip it to pieces.

Garionepsilon 11:04, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

The Tempest
is being reviewed by
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

Yep, it's me.   Le Cejak <Apr 17, 2008 [5:19]>

Humour: 7.4 avg of each section. NOTE: I have not read the play, and I don't know what it's about.
  • Intro [9]: I loved those quotes, GE, so keep 'em. As for the rather short introduction, I like it. So far, so good: I want to read the rest of the article.
  • 1 Characters [7]: The only line that truly made me giggle (and put in my special quote place) was the description of Caliban. Other than that, it was okay. It's hard for me to endorse a list, so maybe you should flesh it out a little more.
  • 2.1 Act I [8]: Yes, funny things about ALONSO! however, may I suggest that instead of saying "...two Italian plumbers named Mario and Luigi" that you just say "...two Italian plumbers"? I think we would still get the reference. One thing stopped me from giving this a 9... why is it a drug boat? That made no sense to me, and just seemed like a cheap gag. Could you maybe think of a more legitimate sounding reason for them to be on a boat?
  • 2.2 Act II [5]: Begging to be molested? Pubic hair? Sex slave? I thought this article was going to be classy. Instead I'm spending my time rolling my eyes. C'mon, GE, you can do better than this! On a sidenote, you should've mentioned that Prospero was a sorcerer before, because that kind of caught me off gaurd (never read the play).
  • 2.3 Act III [8]: (formatting note: you forgot to close the brackets on [[the spanish inquisition thing.) Pretty good. I like the "crowd of Alonsos" thing you have going there.
  • 2.4 Act IV [7]: Yes, it's okay. Not great, not bad, but okay. The thing that irks me, and I know will irk others if this is nommed for VFH, is the mario reference. You really should make this more subtle instead of just outright telling us who they are.
  • 2.5 Act V [8]: Uh, well, you got a laugh out of me at the "evil laugh" part, but the rest is just confusing. I'm guessing that the play is confusing, as well.
  • 3 Criticism [7]: The beginning of this section is good, but it starts trailing into making fun of homework, which is okay (slightly boring and expected), but you may want to rewrite that part.
  • 4 Adaptations [X]: get rid of this section. Seriously.
Concept: 9 Good for you for tackling this. I would imagine that it was a struggle to write. Parodies are always hard, and you did a good job (except for some of the images, but that's later).
Prose and formatting: 6 I noticed some grammar errors (and the formatting error in section 2.3). Get someone to look it over for you.
Images: 5 First image made no sense to me. Second image is unnecessary and actually detracts from the essay. The mario picture is okay, I suppose. The shipbuilding image is actually funny. Therefore, I think I should ask that you only put in pictures that are necessary, not just random pics to satisfy the picture requirement!
Miscellaneous: 6.9 avg'd: {{Pee|7.4|9|6|5}}
Final Score: 34.3 I think that this article has potential and could be featured in the future. Try to find some appropriate pictures, get rid of the internet memes, and clean up the grammar and you should be good to go. I hope I helped, GE!
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <Apr 17, 2008 [6:20]>
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