Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Second Fourth Stooge
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Tightened the grafix and made the references more in-your-face for those unaccustomed to subtlety.
02:40, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
Will be reviewed in 24 hours or less or its free. --—John Lydon 12:47, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||I read through your previous review and I may hit on a few of the same topics but I’ll try to shy away from that. So what say we get down to this.
My main concern with the humor aspect in this article is that it seems to lack a solid topic. In the first paragraph, you start out discussing the three Stooges and their popularity. You then end the paragraph with this line: “This is the story of the Fourth Stooge. This is the story of Iggy.” So now, as the reader, I’m thinking to myself, so far so good. This is apparently going to be an article that plays on Iggy Pop being in Iggy and the Stooges by tying him in with the Three Stooges. The second section tends to cover the Three Stooges some more, but we also get a little more detail about Iggy. The thrid section does a good job of connecting Iggy to the Stooges and the article is shaping up nicely. Then the wheels fall off when we hit the section titled “ A brief intermission tangentially related to show business”. I fully understand that it’s title implies it is an intermission, but it confused the crap out of me. Here I am, as the reader, getting interested in the tie in between Iggy Pop and the Three Stooges, and the next thing I know we’re talking about Billy Preston and Afros. When I weigh the humor factor of this section against the complete chaos it causes for the reader, I have to say that it really doesn’t seem to work. I would much rather seen this section used to expand on some of the interactions between the Three Stooges and Iggy Pop. Maybe you could bend a few of Iggy’s more notorious acts to tie in with the Three Stooges. For Instance, Iggy was notorious for self mutilation, so maybe you can tie that in with some fictional performance. Another thing that could be touched on is the fact that Iggy was a Heroine addict. These are well known facts about Iggy pop and I think it would only stand to reason that an article lampooning him would at least touch on these.
Now that the negatives are out of the way, I can tell you what I liked about your article. I thought the way that you were able to tie in several pop culture references of the time was very clever. I would caution against using some of the less well known ones such as Billy Reynolds (by the way, is that the soccer player Billy Reynolds or the Football player Billy Reynolds) and George Blasing (I had to look him up) though. Many readers are not going to know who these people are and the humor aspect will go right over their heads.
I also felt that the way you started to kind of intertwine the destiny’s of Iggy Pop and the Three Stooges. I would have liked to see more of that. I know it was talked about in your last review but I have to agree with that reviewer. Expanding on that aspect would really make the article more enjoyable for the reader.
Finally, The last section is absoulutely hilarious. I laughed for a good thirty seconds at that. I would suggest removing the link because I think it would be funnier if you didn’t explain the joke and just let it speak for itself.
|Concept:||6||As I touched on in the humor section, I think the idea for this article is pretty clever. However, I think it definitely needs some polishing up in order for the average reader to pick up on the idea behind the article. I would like to see the article fleshed out a little more as I feel it’s a little short as it sits at the moment. Including some of the things I mentioned above, like tying in some of Iggy’s more controversial habits and expanding on the whole “destined to meet” angle would really help out.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I have never claimed to be any good at grammar or spelling, so this is usually the weakest part of my reviews. Nothing really stood out for me spelling wise, but I did notice more than a few red links that should be cleared up. I also noticed that in the section “A brief intermission tangentially related to show business”, The second sentence has a citation needed marker which makes no sense. Why the phrase “In Fact” need a citation?
One final thing I can comment on here is that at the end of the section titled, “The Four Stooges get Pursued by by a Copyright Infringement”, you jump into an informal first person banter with an imagianary heckler. Since the rest of your article is written from a sort of documentary, third person form, this just tends to muddy the waters so to speak. However, I’m really torn because it’s the build up for my favorite part of the article. So in hindsight, keep it. But if anybody asks, I called you on your POV change
|Images:||7||Overall, I thought the images fit well in the article. I would like to see you add maybe one more image to the left of the article just to be aesthetically pleasing. Maybe an image of the Three Stooges in afro wigs or something. Unless, of course you decide to take my advice and remove that section altogether and replace it with something else. In which case a phot of the Three Stooges wearing wigs wouldn’t make much sense.|
|Final Score:||32.5||Aside from the lack of a definative topic, I really enjoyed this article. It was full of pop cultural tie ins and subtle humor. Both of which are right up my alley. I don’t really see this article turning into a contender for article of the year or anything, but with a little fine tuning, it could end up as one of those cult classics that float around Uncyclopedia|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 14:59, July 23, 2010 (UTC)|