Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Philippine Empire (Re-rewrite)

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edit The Philippine Empire

Obviously just another article about the Philippines- fixed up to be nominated. Nominate it good or I will stab you to death King Joe of the Philippine Empire- I am the REAL dictator! 07:27, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Review coming up in a few hours. Don't expect much. --Nachlader 11:04, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 2 This is a really unfunny, childish, useless, annoying, disgusting, deplorable, boring, unattractive, moronic, irritating, militaristic, immature, horrendous, stupid, brainless article and if I could choose to put forward my most preferable suggestion, it would be to have this article terminated, the VFD discussion deleted, the deletion logs rubbed out with an eraser, all the images in relation to the article removed and every tiny bit of evidence left that proves that this article really did exist printed out on paper and then burnt in a car park somewhere. I know I sound brutally unfair, but that's honesty for you.

However, in accordance to Guideline PEE rules, I will do my best to presevere with this cancer of an Uncyclopedia article and think of how it could be better, so long as I am allowed to reveiw it with a 10-foot yard pole and no closer.

The humour score is 2 instead of 1, because moral standards insist that 1 is actually a Wikipedia article. At least this article tried to be funny.

Concept: 1 No concept evident whatsoever, I tried looking for a concept within the article, but only found the overambitious wet dreams of a nauseating adolescent. The Philippines, which I am sure is otherwise a nice nation, never had an empire, or anything empire-worthy, so there is nothing to parody. Nobody knows anything about the Phillipines anyway apart from the staggering amount of corruption that lines their governmental constitution so it is hard to find things that other people will find humourous.

Contrary to what you may have already read at certain articles at Uncyclopedia, a pile of templates, a overload of images (you've used every template and image in Uncyclopedia, I have no doubt), masses of swearing, an overflow of "bush is a retard lol" one-liners, excess of anti-Japanese sentiments, an "empire of" article does not make a concept. Instead, it makes a brand new disease that doctors have yet to find a cure for. I don't know what my cure is after reading this, except maybe phoning Childline.

1 would be the type of score that shows that I cannot rescue this concept. I'd have more chance of rescuing a princess hanging over the edge of a skyscraper with my hands tied behind my back, my teeth clamped together and only my nose for movement related operations. It's not a concept, it's a horribly poor attempt to get involved in the Uncyclopedia projekt.

Prose and formatting: 4 Points awarded mainly for knowing how to speak English well, but are low anyway due to the misuse of this poor, innocent, little language. There is some text at the beginning, even if it's random beyond belief, and then it tails off completely. If you cropped away at all the images and templates the article has, you would just be left with a with a list of two or three lines per headline. Rather than make tons of sections, try and merge them all under one headline.

The formatting, while somewhat good, is overused anyway. Don't use every Uncyclopedia template known to God, let alone place them randomly across the article. It doesn't look organised, instead it's a messy pulp of links to other places. However, they do serve as a great way of moving onto a different article.

Images: 1 You've pretty much just looked at the most well known articles in Uncyclopedia, then stole the images before adding a horrible caption that has something to do with the Philippines. In fact, the pictures that I haven't seen before aren't even related to the Philippines, instead they've got something to do with dissing the Japanese. If you're going to make jokes about the Japanese, at least do it correctly. Anyway, there were some images with Philippine things, like... Um... An emblem arrangement and uh... A world map with the empire on it (with the extremely helpful "The red are fo' frontier lines, the green is for colonies!" ... Okay?) and... That's it.

Show more effort towards the empire OF the Philippines, rather than the empire. Otherwise you're just making an article on the world, with some heavy bias for Fillipinos along the side. And cut out the excess images of other places and the images from other articles. It depresses the text and makes the prose sad. That and the image whore'ing.

Miscellaneous: 2 I don't think I've seen an unfunny article that actually is lengthy, so I'll give the Misc. section a massive 2 points.
Final Score: 10 Obviously, I really do not like this article. If the VFD system were so easy, there would be a lot more articles being denounced as NRV. I gave the scores a number instead of the nominative 0, because at least the sections of humour, images, prose and etc had a home to call from, even if that home was a dustbin in an alleyway somewhere.

I've been told recently to put more effort into suggesting how to make articles better as well as review them. Thankfully, while I do have all the confidence that I can suggest how to make articles better, this article is a case in point as to why it can be hard sometimes. This article is the result of a very unfunny person who just looked at the best articles on Uncyclopedia and said "Wow! I want a piece of that!" (evidenced by the author's profile), also possibly nationalistic, militaristic and unrealistic, THEN decided to "have a crack" at making an article.

It's great that articles like AAAAAAAAA, Redundancy and Innuendo can inspire people to contribute to Uncyclopedia, but if you want to write an article like this one, please, please, PLEASE go to Encyclopedia Dramatica instead.

Excuse me while I go to the VFD toilet.

Reviewer: --Nachlader 13:18, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
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