Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Octo-lizard battle (Help)

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edit The Octo-lizard battle

Whaco 22:48, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

I fixed your link there. If this is still here in the morning I'll review it for you. ~Orian57~ Icons-flag-gb ~Talk~ Gay sign 23:32 15 February 2009
Outhouse   Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.

While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

Cuz god forbid Orian ever doin a damn thing. ~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 08:03, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 2 Ouch, well. Ok first time (I think) so please do not get discouraged by any score. You will be on the right path in no time. A few things first, this entire article is just what I think is called, name-dropping. All you do is try to list people that are mentioned often on this site and you do it in an unfunny way. I think you may be confused as to what it is we are really looking for on this site so let me try to explain.

We know that this site is plagued by pages filled with random crap and pages and pages of namedropping pages, but it isn't what we want. In fact, we have people looking for pages like this 24/7 and deleting them and this one, I am sorry to say, will most likely get deleted. Also, even if you didn't namedrop, this is really not funny at all. Where is the humor here? It is more like just a battle explanation than a satirical article. Since this humor is so weak, I will end this section, and go into detail about the concept, which seems even weaker.

I STRONGLY suggest reading this first before you write anything else, as it is a good guide for new users: HTBFANJS

Concept: 1 The template at the bottom says it best. Truth is funnier than outright lies or plain nonsense. Coherence is like a horse, and funny is like a cart. For your article to go places, the coherence must come first. Otherwise, you just get a cart with a horse stuck in the back. That cart, while sometimes amusing, isn't really going anywhere. in other words, blabbing out nonsense isn't funny, unless there is a theme to guide it.

Also, it is better to write on a subject that ACTUALLY happened. The reason this is so stupid, is because the event itself is untrue, even if the characters exist. I would suggest going and looking at some featured articles to get inspired by good ideas, but here are a few to get you started. Please read them: Neurotic Bubble Wrap Playstation 4. These are all guided by STRONG concepts and end up really funny. Please read them so you will understand what we consider as good here.

Prose and formatting: 4 Not horrible, but not particularly good either. I will try to keep this brief. First, you need to get rid of the long list in the middle as this puts up too much white space and makes it ugly. Second, make each section longer than a paragraph long. This not only bulks your writing up, but also looks better in the end. Finally go spellcheck this please. There are WAY to many misspellings and I don't want to list em all. Here are a few I caught though.
  • Heros is heroes
  • Kittins is Kittens
  • yoda is Yoda
  • imobilize is immobilize
  • wity is witty (I think)
  • thier is their
  • ,which is , which
  • caled is called
  • Justice Team of sweetness is Justice Team of Sweetness.
  • Also, remove all red links, as they are very ugly.
Images: 0 There were none. All articles need at least one to be even halfway decent. Most good ones have three or four. Add pictures to increase the appeal and help tell your story.
Miscellaneous: 2 Averaged
Final Score: 9 I suggest just starting with a new topic. AFTER you read what I recommended. Don't give up! This wasn't great but it simply just wasn't the type of humor we want here. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck!
Reviewer: ~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 17:26, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

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