Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Man: A Primer and Something of a Call to Action

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edit The Man: A Primer and Something of a Call to Action

Hello! This is my first contribution to Uncyclopedia. Any tips, advice, critiques, and pawnable small-electronics are welcome! I particularly appreciate any advice on formatting and general uncyclopedia expectations on the reasonable number of pictures and redirect links for any given article. Thanks for your time! Mightydandylion 10:22, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

Looking forward to this. =D ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF (@ 01:40 Feb 25)
Humour: 9 Wow. That article knocked me on my ass. VERY nicely done, sir! Your jokes are consistent with your theme, which is something many new users have a hard time with. And you're just...funny. I don't really know what else to tell you. You're one funny writer. I can see you eventually being right up there with greats like Modus or STM. (who are, according to them, the only funny people on this website) The only parts I didn't like were the opening and that article-killer of an ending. I have some suggestions about that, but I'll tell you about them later.
Concept: 10 This almost felt like a Cloverfield type story. You're just giving the reader glimpses of the "robot" with each journal entry, which makes for an amazing effect, both in a dramatic movie like Cloverfield, and as a humor tool in an article such as this. Very original, I definitely dig.
Prose and formatting: 8 I can see where you're going with your prose, which I like. This is very appropriate for an article of this nature. My only problem with it is the fact that some of your sentences end up being run-on sentences, making them very confusing. Your grammar kinda gums things up in just a few spots, too. Easy fix, though. Also, you're right about your ghastly formatting. This is a pretty ugly article. I tried to fix up a few things for you, but there's still some work that needs doing. Don't worry about that for now, I'll do my best to take care of it for you.
Images: 7 I'm torn here. An article like this really doesn't need too many images, and the one you have at the end is just great. But I still see where another image would come in handy. Try getting a picture of, say, an actual robot wearing a raccoon skin (which, if you don't have the skills to make, you can easily request) with a caption along the lines of "I swear this is what I saw, doc!" or "This is what we're dealing with: merciless killing machines."
Miscellaneous: 8.5 Don't worry about the score here, I've just averaged it using {{Pee}}. But let me talk to you about my radical idea. Dig this: Chop off the opening and the brief ending. Just leave the whole letter to the editor. Move that to its own page, entitled, for example, (I'd encourage you to come up with a better title but this is just to demonstrate my point) something like "Twisted Metal: A Series Of Sightings" or something like that. You with me? I just think the rest of it is extra. The best jokes occur within that journal. Perhaps you could write up a nice little introduction to it or something. You don't have to do this, but if you don't, I expect to see that ugly ending GONE and the opening reworked by the time I get back from the bar, kiddo.
Final Score: 42.5 A fantastic first article, I'm seriously impressed. I have no doubt that you'll do very well here. I hope you're planning on staying with Uncyclopedia for a while, because we've been waiting for a writer like you. I hope you take my advice into consideration, because I don't think it would take much to make this featurable. There, I said it. Feature this. I'll be the one to nominate it if you do just a little bit of work. Talk at me when you're ready.
Reviewer: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF (@ 02:07 Feb 25)
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