Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Lorax (resubmit)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This has already been peed, but I'd like something a little more detailed as I'm stuck as to what to do for this article. Thanks. -- 22:20, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Section by section review.
Humble Origins: 7. I like hobo jokes, sue me. But this section serves as a pretty good intro to the rest of the article, as it strikes a good balance between serious and joking. I'd give it a higher score but the humor isn't exactly laugh out loud funny. Still, it's perfectly acceptable.
Maloney Incident: 6. As much as this portrays the Lorax as being crazy about nature and the trees, it's not really all that funny to me. As crazy as you're making this guy sound, it's not really that funny that a crazy guy went on a dangerous rampage, and that could probably use some tweaking. The ending paragraph is pretty funny, though, so there you go.
The Filibuster: 4. This part sounds more like a story (which made me think that you might be able to turn this into a better UnBook, actually) and doesn't contain a particularly large amount of humor, besides the ranty speech. You might want to add some more jokes into the ending bits here, even though they're conclusions to the 'story'.
State of Still Being Missing: 3. Alright, penis jokes aren't really that funny. If you can think of something else, you could also do a lengthy retrospective in the style of the one based on Fisher Price, which would go with your "historians debate the meaning of this" perfectly.
You get an extra point for the "lower axe and face facts" joke, because that was clever. Good job.
|Concept:||6||I can see where you're going with this, but it needs some tweaking to make it funnier. Also, as I mentioned before, this sort of article might work better if you wrote it in the style of an UnBook. It's a decent and definitely a detailed concept, but it just doesn't execute that well when written out.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||The prose and formatting is decent, but you could use a proofreader to help you out with punctuation and some funny sounding sentences. I recommend you reread the article yourself, slowly, and look for things that don't make sense or that have an odd rhythm.|
|Images:||8||Images are good and fit the article, and I particularly enjoyed the Shoryuken picture.|
|Final Score:||32.5||It's a pretty decent article idea, but it could use some work. It comes off as a bit dry right now, and I do really, really heavily suggest that you move it to be an UnBook and change the formatting and style to fit. Since it's based off a book in the first place, it makes a considerable amount of sense. Still, good job on this, it's actually pretty impressive how detailed it got and you definitely have a considerable amount of potential. Hope to see more from you around.|
|Reviewer:||--mrmonkey72 04:38, 27 July 2008 (UTC)|