Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Last World War

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edit The Last World War

I made this article a while ago but I haven't had any feedback from it. It's about how the world finally ends. Sir McWooty III Fbu 22:29, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 This is a categorical problem - hardly easy to make war appear funny whatever you do. How about maniacally taking sides in the various conflicts (yes, you do that a bit)? I mean something like adding "and they were absolutely correct at that" to something that leads to an utter disaster next? An idea to improve upon, perhaps. Also, as the article attempts to look like a serious one, it might be an improvement to go easy with such words as "bastard" and so forth - maybe save those for the footnotes if you choose to write some?
Concept: 7 Same reason as above. Difficult concept, see misc.
Prose and formatting: 7 The chapters became tedious to read towards the end. Maybe the whole bit could have been shortened some? How about adding parts of the text as footnotes for those who want to read them, and keeping the main body shorter? Part of the footnotes=alien gibberish? Just an idea that flashed into mind, maybe pick it up and improve. Also, some citations somewhere, from some political commentator or such... but they're hard in the context. Images could have been on the right to keep the lines shorter - but then you'd have trouble keeping track of what belongs where I guess. Run a spell check - there are some singular s:s missing I think - "South Africa invade" for instance. Maybe construct those sentences differently (South African forces invade).
Images: 8.5 Straight to the point, nothing wrong with them in the context. An image of an alien superweapon (corny or overkill)- or something else - could have given some tempo change to the piece, near the end. The final picture - how about making a joke of that? Something similar as the Freud silhouette "what's on a man's mind" but suitable to the context? You could make a rewarding punchline out of this.
Miscellaneous: 7 A good try. I'm saying this as a mass consumer of humour, not an author thereof. As the article depicts an absolute catastrophe in some distant future, it's a relatively hard subject: without anachronistic references (or something of the kind) it can be hard to make any contact with the reader, and those references don't usually work, they've been overdone. A good thing you haven't used them, anyway. The problem is the same as with Olaf Stapledon's Last and first men: the book may be great, but as it covers (future) history where I have nothing to relate to, without believable characters (or characters of any kind) it's not interesting enough to read from start to finish.
Final Score: 35.5 Readable, part amusing, no laughing out loud though.
Reviewer: -- Style Oranssiviiva Guide 11:02, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
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