I guess this article is supposed to appeal to those that have heard of the band before, mostly. I want to know if it's salvageable, because apparently it's not very funny. I've re-written some parts since it got put into ICU. Specifically, I'd like to know what I could do for the first paragraph of the 'Ruki' Section, because I'm the least happy with that. What should I rewrite, and what should I keep- or should I scrap it all together? --Komodo Gallant 03:44, 21 November 2007 (UTC)
As you probably suspect I'm not a girl under the age of 17, and so have probably missed most of the "In Jokes" which would appeal to fans of your band. Unfortunately I feel that although its probably funny to someone who knows the band I simply have no idea what your talking about most of the time... Just a caution on using the Uncyc "In jokes" also, a hell of a lot of people have added Wilde/Norris quotes and kitten huffing jokes all over the place here, and if its not a good one which is particularly relevant to the situation it tends to turn people off. With that said, you clearly have a nose for what is funny, and I think you can do a lot better...
Unfortunatly I feel I must agree with the comments you have on your ICU at the moment... There are quite a lot of other articles with very similar concepts to this one already on the Uncyc, and I believe that the Admins are taking a rather harsh view of stuff which is really just a fan talking about their favourite band. If you do this, especially if its a band which not that many people have heard of it needs to be "very" good to survive around here. Don't get me wrong you can write something about your best friend at school if its funny enough, it will last, but for me I think you either need to find some way to explain the Band related "in" jokes to a wider group of people, or else come up with a completely new concept which will pull this above the rest... Your mix of the random with the truth is ok, but again as I have little Idea what's true about the band and what's not so its difficult for me to appreciate.
Prose and formatting:
You can obviously write well and I see little wrong with what you have done. Its a little broken in places but generally flows well...
Well the girls are hot! But seriously, you have obviously put some time into choosing what to use, but for me it would read better if you moved the images around a little to make the article as a whole more appealing to the eye. Simply putting all the pictures down the right hand side with no spaces between or different sizes and shapes makes the article look even more like something out of a magazine for the bands fans. Might be better if some of the pictures were move to the left so that it looks more like a real encyclopaedic article.
I have no idea what to put in here, as like I said this is my first pee, so I'm going to give ya a 7 for putting some pics of hot chicks on uncyc... No seriously your doing the right thing in contributing to the pee review process, and doing good reviews will win you friends who will be more inclined to help you with your work. You obviously want to write this article, and I say go for it, but unfortunately in its current state I think its not going to do well..
You obviously care a lot about the band and want to create an article about them on Uncync. I think that's cool, and you clearly have the talent to do it. I think however that you might need to seriously re-think how this can be made to appeal to a wider number of people, good luck!