Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Feline Fiasco
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Morgz789 16:21, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||The humour in this article is not in your face. It is heavy smile inducing rather than roll on the floor but it is consistently heavy smile inducing. I think in some of the sections a little sharpening up of the prose could make this even funnier. For example (and this is just my personal opinion) the last line of 'Pied Piper of Hamlin' could end ' thus starting a tradition of prioritising furry animals over their own off-spring.'
Overall the style of the humour perfectly fits the subject and concept of this article.
|Concept:||8||First of all I love the title. Nice bit of the old alliteration with allusions to early twentieth century literature. The introduction is great and perfectly sets up the contents of the article - the overall concept of tracking the human-beings relationship with cars.
The ideas in this article are excellent and their variation means that the reading of it does not get boring. I think in general you are trying in some way to link the sections to each other - to show how cats have been in the lives of humans over the years. I think more work needs to be done on this in general and there are two things that really confused me: I think the 'Chefs' section should go above Pied Piper one as the cats no longer live with the tramps they've moved on to live with the woman. And shouldn't the Beatles bit say that most cats had been eaten rather than banned. Where did they get banned?
'Modern Day Cats' is such a good final section. It summarises brilliantly what has gone before and lyrical with its language. I say final section, but it is of course not. There is the 'Realisation' followed by 'Eliminating the Enemy'. For me this deviates greatly from the tone of the main section of the article. It appears bolted on. I honestly think the article is a lot lot better finishing with 'Modern Day Cats'.
If you wanted to include a section on eliminating cats then maybe put it earlier in the article and convert it into proper prose. Personally I hate step-by-step listy guides.
So there are a few problems which stops this section getting a really really good score.
|Prose and formatting:||8||Well the formatting could definitely do with some work. There are line spaces between some paragraphs and not others. I guess you are writing in proper literature prose style where a line indicates a section break. This is not done usually in technical encyclopedic writing which Uncyclopedia is trying to ape but I don't think that's a major problem. I do however think lines between paragraphs makes the overall article look neater and more welcoming.
Some new starts to paragraphs appear definitely incorrect. In 'Modern Day Cats' for instance. The first two and last two paragraphs are each really single ones. A few sentences could do with word rearrangement too. I suggest reading through and seeing what you can find. If you need a hand I'd be happy to help. The style of the language up to and including 'Modern Day Cats' is largely very good. It has a nimble witty spark. In fact you could say it has a kind of sly nature to it like a cat. This works very well.
|Images:||7||This isn't really an article that particularly needs to caked with amusing images. For the most part the subtlety of the ones there is perfectly fine. In fact I think the tone of the article could be compromised by having some over the top rediculous image.Maybe find a couple more and stick them on the left of the page to kind of break up the article a bit. I'll be honest|
|Final Score:||40||I really enjoyed this article. I do think there is quite a bit of work that could be put into it still however - and if this is done - I think it would be an excellent article.|
|Reviewer:||mAttlobster. (hello) 21:40, October 6, 2009 (UTC)|