Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Terri Schiavo
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Mrpastry909 01:10, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Some funny stuff in the article, but it's a little inconsistent and unfocused.|
|Concept:||7||Excellent subject for a parody.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Well-enough written. Again, there is come inconsistency. For instance, the "Popular Culture" section is not very good.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||I think this is a splendid subject, but I really would want a united and self-consistent article.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 17:37, 3 May 2008 (UTC)|
First off, I'm not sure what the submitter wants reviewed: the article as it stands, or his ideas for expanding it. Here's my personal reaction, in a general sort of way, to the article.
1. The part about Saint Terri of Schiavo is an excellent springboard for the parody. The Catholic ideas of the sanctity of human life under all possible scenarios ties in with the Schiavo case, and the (strongly) Catholic concept of sainthood provides a near-perfect point of view for satirizing the case.
If that is to be the path followed, however, then the rest of the article needs to be consistent. It should conform to a "life of the saint" format -- a hagiography. Traditionally hagiographies touch on the early life of the saint, his or her education and service to God, any purported miracles (something miraculous is required for canonization), and the manner of the saint's death.
Now, I'm going to do a Cheap Shot and link to one of my own articles: Walpurga (saint). This is not a traditional hagiography; it is cast into a straightforward storytelling form. And although it is not one of my better thingies, it demonstrates what I mean when I talk about unity of concept.
2. As I mentioned several times, consistency is key. Whether the article will use the Saint Terri idea or not, it needs to become a united, cohesive story.
Consider a stand-up comic. He can just start telling one-liners -- knock-knock jokes, Yo' Mama jokes, political jokes, poo jokes. But most comedians don't do that! Think of the monologues of Robin Williams or Jerry Seinfeld: they have a unifying theme, they often tell stories, they are often logical explorations of an idea. And that is part of what separates a really good stand-up act from a cheeseball vaudeville hack: the ability to put together a series of jokes that are logically linked. Solid storytelling.
3. If the story is to parody a newspaper or magazine article on Schaivo, you will probably not want to use the Catholic hagiography thing. If it is to be the story of a saint, you will probably not want to present it as a newspaper article. Choose one theme and bring the entire article into conformation with it. Again, while stand-alone jokes can be funny, if you want an article as a whole to be funny then the jokes have to work together. If you look over Uncyclopedia's front-page feature articles you will notice that nearly all of them have this internal consistency: they tell a consistent story, present a unified theme, or have an over-arching concept. (OK, I've beaten that horse to death...)
4. Concepts. You might have a thought to possibilities, and see if one strikes your inspirational funnybone.
- Magazine interview, with notes: A right-to-life Christian and a humanist in favor of euthanasia offer opposing viewpoints, mediated by a rather stupid and comical magazine writer. The writer can insert "factual" bits on the life and death of Shiavo in between Q & A with the two interviewees.
- Papal encyclical announcing the canonization of Saint Terry of Shiavo, with rationale for sainthood as well as miracles attributed to the Saint. Alternatively, could be written as if the Church's pronouncements were being reported in a religious magazine, or, alternatively, in a news-magazine.
- Blow-by-blow newspaper retrospective of the main aspects of the Shiavo case. February 3, 2005: Shiavo appeared to say the word "jello" several times. When given a teaspoon of lime gelatin, however, she did not swallow. Her mother later tearfully acknowledged that Terri's favorite flavor was not lime but strawberry.
- Straight-ahead storytelling. You may have read the original article by Jon Krakauer in Outside magazine which later became the book and movie Into the Wild. It ran about 9000 words, a bit much for Uncyc, but the style is what you are after: an economical, cleanly-written account of "real" events. This is probably the most "natural" form, and the most flexible, as it can slyly include authorial comments as well as quotes from various authorities.
Anyway. Figure out what the form of the article will be, and then ruthlessly eliminate everything that is inconsistent. And then rebuild.
Good luck. This is a really good subject for parody.
----OEJ 17:37, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
edit Possible TS jokes for uncyclopedia
Parts of this are newspaperish, I’ll make them more article-ish later. Also, certain categories will be blended to make 1-2 big articles, not a ton of small ones.
Death: Terri Schiavo’s death was of horrific starvation, brought about by her abusive husband. For months (I don’t know how long she was off the tube, I’ll find out) she was confined to her bed, not allowed to eat, drink, or even relieve herself in the nearby restroom.
Pleas for help: Terri, ever the fighter, fought as long as she could against the tyranny (too strong a word?) of her husband. Her cries for help could be heard from as far away as half a foot. She attracted the attention of local people who swore by the Bible (should I mention religion? The people trying to feed Terri were really religious) to save her.
Attempted Rescue Mission: A glimmer of hope sparked in Florida in 2003, when “Terri’s Law” came into place, giving Jeb Bush the authority to step in on the case. With the government fighting against Michael Schiavo’s cruelty, Terri’s feeding tube is yet again restored, much to her relief.
(Should I do quotes or would that make it newspapery?) “When I visited Terri, she whispered to me that her husband was trying to kill her. She barely whispered, but I knew my baby was fighting for her life.”
Terri’s Army: Many brave and dedicated protestors took a detour from their normal, busy lives (I’m trying to make a joke that the protestors had nothing better to do, any better way to convey that?) Many held up signs saying “Murder is Legal in America” and “Has anyone seen Jeb?” Some confused hospital workers were even holding up signs saying “Better working conditions for nurses!” (Thinking of changing that to better conditions for Terri.)
The Schindlers: The Schindlers, Terri’s parents, were at first against the removal of the feeding tube. Fighting Michael Schiavo and enlisting the help of Jeb Bush. With Terri’s Law on their side, the Schindlers created a list of reasons why Terri should be on life support, also known as Schindler’s List. Some included:
- Terri is not in a PVS state: if she was she’d be a vegetable.
- Terri is capable of eating on her own; the fact that she can eat makes the feeding tube mandatory (better way to word that?)
- If Terri was able to speak, which she obviously is, then she would say since she is capable of saying words that she wants to remain on life support, keeping her alive and able to breathe, which she can obviously do.