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J.D. Soufi 20:46, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Mine Pup 02:42 10 Feb '12
|Humour:||4.5||First, read HTBFANJS.
Okay. Now that you've done that, the main issue I have with the humour here is that it's stupid. Rape jokes are generally unfunny, as is pedophilia. As the only jokes that are accessible to people who are not familiar with the characeter are hur hur... incest... hur hur... rape... hur hur it does mean that this article is on the bland side.
The second issue is that any other humour (assuming there is more there) is not accessible to people who haven't played the game. For someone to find something funny there must be a level of recognition of the topic that is being satirised.
So let's pick on something that you may hve no knowledge of. Edward de Bono has written a significant number of books relating to thought processes and with a special focus on thought within the workplace. He designed a system known as the Six hats system for decison making as a group. Now, given that you have almost no knowledge of this (beyond that short paragraph) I suggest you read Six Hats. Come back after you're done.
So, why does this article work even though you know nothing about the topic? Firstly, it teaches you what you need to know to understand the humour in the topic. Secondly it relies on sources of humour that are not directly related to the topic.
Here you have a fictional character based in a fictional world. There are a few ways to try and make a good satire about it. The first is to try and make the world a realistic proposition. Given Fantasy/Scifi usually relies on suspension of disbelief, breaking that would allow you to make fun of the entire fictional universe.
Second option is to make fun of the game itself. This can be done successfully using methods covered in HTBFANJS. Street Fighter makes fun of the entire game series - both the internal "reality" and the factual reality surrounding it.
Given that the focus here is a character, then I would opt for making fun of the character as a part of that reality. So what is needed is to work out what is ridiculous about the character and expanding on that.
Unfortunately, not knowing the character and not having anything else to work with from your article, I can be any more specific than that.
|Concept:||4.5||What I just said above - basically it means the concept is flawed.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||There are very few times where a lead in quote should be attached to an article. You may notice that many articles with lead in quotes have had them gradually removed over the last few years. The short rule on this is don't do it. The longer rule is if the lead quotes aren't absolutely fantastic and crucial to the article, then do them, but no more than 2 to an article.|
|Images:||5||The images itself I have no issue with. The problem is that the captions on the image relate directly back into your concept. Given what the issue is with the concept, doing the same jokes again really doesn't make for the funny.|
|Miscellaneous:||4||There isn't much in the article which is keeping floating at the moment. It reads as fanboyish and only funny to a very small audience. And they are generally stoned. But the fact that you know your topic means that there is an option to make something fantastic here. Unfortunately, it will take a bit more work.|
|Reviewer:||Pup 07:46 10 Feb '12|