Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Takeshi's Castle

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edit Takeshi's Castle

Since the queue is so small now, I might as well submit this, even though I haven't had time to edit my last article that got reviewed. Anyway, in depth please! --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 16:32, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Might as well. I have a lot to do today though, so I might not finish until tomorrow.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 18:25, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 8 OK, so most of your article was actually quite strong in terms of humor. I liked the IKE!!! repetition. But the beginning seemed to have very little humor in it. A reader likes to have the beginning catch them with a joke. A lot of the beginning seemed like pure fact. I also noticed the informational...thingy (I don't remember what that's called) was straight fact, and there is significant room for satire here. At the "Plot" section is where it really picks up. After that, it stays nice and funny until the "Analysis" section. Another area where there is humor potential, but it's not taken much advantage of. It doesn't seem completely factual like the beginning, but it falls flat in terms of humor. Satire is easily possible, especially after the first paragraph in the section, but not taken advantage of. For example, you could have played in the last paragraph about a fetish for water from Kurosawa. The jokes in the end are just as important as the jokes in the beginning, because you want the reader to feel like "Yeah, that was a great way to end it!" And walk away feeling like they just got a lot of humor. One last suggestion about the last section: when it questions the motives of those involved, wouldn't the motive be to win the 'game show' type idea? This seems contradictory. You may want to change the wording here. Other than those complaints, good job for this section. Instead of a regular section-by-section, I'll just do one of the parts with an issue:
Introduction paragraph
This seems, in all, mostly factual. There are some light satire hints here, but I think you could be a bit less subtle, as it might help. Subtlety isn't usually bad, but it is when there is a feel of no humor. An idea from me would be to continue the tone of most of the article: An over-statement of watery dangers.
Analysis
My main problem here is actually, I discover, that it's inconsistent with the rest. The rest is quite subtle or hilariously ridiculous, this is more movie attack humor. The section is OK, but could be improved.
Concept: 7 So the concept is pretty good, and slightly original for this Wiki.(But not as much elsewhere, but eh) The execution is good in most places, but like I mentioned in the humor section, the beginning and end need a bit more of a punch to them. I gave advice how in the last section. This section is always short for me because I put my advice for this in the humor section.
Prose and formatting: 9 The formatting was generally strong, the images worked with the text and were in the right places. A couple of your paragraphs seemed a bit too big, but most of them were a really good size. You may need to cut some length from these, or merge parts of them with some of the smaller paragraphs. Also, some of your sentences were a bit long; try to avoid too many with more than about 20 words. Your spelling is fine. Grammar was mostly good; there was a mistake or two around, though. You know the drill, about Microsoft Word grammar check, and all of that. Not much advice is needed here.
Images: 8 The images were in good places, and pretty funny. I had two issues, one minor, one a little less minor. Number one, in the last image your caption said "No one leaves Takeshi's Castle empty handed. In fact, no one leaves Takeshi's Castle full stop." I think the flow of the joke (A pretty good one by the way) would be improved if you said "at all". A minor thing, but it makes a difference to some. Number two, the image in the beginning thing (With "Directed by, written by", and all of that)- I think you need to make that humorous. Maybe it is and I'm not seeing it, and I know a humorous image is difficult without a caption, but it make the beginning feel less dull and give it some life. The other image in the beginning, with Kurosawa and the giant bird helps significantly, but I feel like it would have been better if you had made it more humorous. I'll admit I don't know how to make that humorous, but I'm not an expert on the subject!
Miscellaneous: 8 Average.
Final Score: 40 In general, this was a good article. It's not quite VFH material, but it kept me entertained. All you really need to is make the beginning and ending stronger, and fix some other minor issues mentioned above, and you'll have a great article on your hands. Make sure you use HTBFANJS, and good luck. (Get to me on my talk page if you have any comments, thoughts, or questions, and sorry if this wasn't as in-depth as you hoped, but I tried...)
Reviewer: Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:34, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
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