Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Taft Punk

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edit Taft Punk

Finally finished this just as I leave for 3 weeks. Provide feedbacks please.


--Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 18:45, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Sorry TKF, I'm pretty sleepy tonight but I'll try to finish reviewing it tomorrow. But for now, I really need to get this out of my system: William Taft and Theodore Roosevelt? William and Theodore?! BILL AND TED?!?! Ahem. Thank you. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 03:14, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
It's not the first time I've seen parallels between Bill and Ted and Daft Punk, so I had to get that out or else I'd be going on about it for the whole review. Anyway, sorry I'm behind schedule, even though you're supposed to be gone for three weeks. Now, onto reviewing. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 02:35, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
It's okay, turns out I have a lot more free time at this summer program than I expected. Take your time if you wish :) --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 04:24, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 9 While reviewing this article, I'm going to try to be the average American. I know we had a president called Taft and that he was fat. I've heard a couple of Daft Punk's singles and I know girls love them more than they love me. (I swear, I wrote this preface before you added your comment.)

Now that that that's out of the way, I'll start with the lead. There are a couple of stumbles here, but the only one relevant to the Humor section of this review is Roosevelt's nickname. "Biglips"? Yeah, I guess he had big lips, although that's not what I remember him by. It's not a bad nickname, but you can do better. Horatio Hornblower got "Crazylegs". "The Tedster" is good, or you could do me a favor and make a reference to Bill and Ted. Anyway, the line about Upton Sinclair is funny, and this is totally irrelevant but I remember reading that Roosevelt threw his breakfast sausage out the window while reading The Jungle. How about that?

Moving on to the History section, it broke the flow of the article (at least for me) when you said their friendship "climaxed", because that sounds kinda gay, in a sophomoric kind of way. I was too distracted by how kinda gay that was to notice the subtle joke about Taft being greased through the door. In fact, it seems like most of the jokes in this section are subtle, so it just seems like boring exposition if you're just skimming it. So it was good the way you bolded the word rock! because it draws the reader's (that's me, the average American) attention to the article so we start noticing stuff. I'm glad I started actually reading at that point, because "personal recliner humidor" was worth a laugh.

It's funny that Roosevelt would write songs at the expense of Taft's girth, and it's good that you point that out, but it's bad that you apologize for it. You don't need to apologize for speaking the truth. Do you think Wikipedia ever apologizes when their content is objectionable? Have you seen their article on The Aristocrats?

So yeah, for the most part you're writing a scholarly and professional article, but the tone break a little at in Breakup and Bull Moose After All when you start using weasel words to describe weak-willed Democrats and short-sighted numbnut Republicans. I find that the best thing to do when you need to put silly words in a serious article is to attribute the quote to someone else.

You finish the article really strong by pulling a Fisher Price Retrospective for meaningless repetitive lyrics and at the same time making a joke about Taft's bathtub. Very well done.

Concept: 9 Should have been Bill and Ted. No, wait, I said I wouldn't go on about that. Focus, focus...

The concept is good. It's basically a silly pun but you turned it into something more. What really impresses me about this article is that it's accessible to people who know very little about Taft or Punk, yet it offers depth for people who do know more about them.

Prose and formatting: 8 This article is more red-linky than some would prefer it to be. I'm not one of those people who says you can't have red links ever, but I'm not one of those people who knows what a supergroup is. What's a supergroup? Or a bucket list?

Spelling errors do exist (just read the headers closely to find one), and the grammar needs a little attention, the kind Microsoft Word can't provide. Frinstance, the sentence structure at the end of the lead is odd because the clauses don't really fit together. Industry "was", "is", and "inspired"?

Images: 7 Hm, the images. The first one is a pretty decent headswap, considering we can't see their heads. Is there any way you can get rid of the glowing aura Taft's helmet seems to have? The other two images felt kind of like filler. They do look like album covers because they're all square and artsy, but they're not invoking any funny. Maybe you could try customizing them a little, like putting the band and album name on them? I'm at a loss of what to do for them beyond that.
Miscellaneous: 8.3 Averaged.
Final Score: 41.3 All in all, this is fine work you've done. In fact, it was pretty EXCELLENT! This is the kind of stuff I would put on VFH myself if I weren't so lazy.
Reviewer: Harder, Faster, Better, --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 05:18, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
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