Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

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edit Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

This is my firstest entry, but well, I'm ready.

Dah Dope Boyz' User:DaDopeboy/sig 04:12, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Needs Help: Yes Please, with your grammar.
VFH Nom: Not just yet
Liked by Zheliel: No until you improve your grammar

Comments
Good concept, I'm a little harsh today. But you can do it.

I think I'll review (: zh I hate me new sig 08:16 August 6

Awwww, thanks Zeliel. I was wondering if my humour sense is bad as my grammar, but hopefully its not really. I felt relieved since its the first time. I appreciate your review. P.S. I will come back with fully-upgraded outfit next time. Dah Dope Boyz'--User:DaDopeboy/sig 10:12, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Can I just say that one thing you definitely should not get rid of is that dialogue in the intro, that's a very nice touch. You can change the wording and setting to whatever you wish but the general concept is very funny, nice work--El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 11:17, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Oh ok thanks. I was fresh yesterday and maybe I could do better than usual.Dah Dope Boyz'--{{User:DaDopeboy/sig}} 13:13, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6.987 Generally - Good for a first article. You didn't use in-jokes and very focused throughout.

Opening - Good that you keep shortening the word as the article progresses. It displays/depicts how hard it is to pronounce - or write - the word. Oh, and the short part of the play should become more 18th century using words like "hast", "runneth", "thou" et cetera. You might want to use this for your "play". Maybe you can include those sources when you say "sources". Maybe something like "Obama has announced that the word "superblabla" is the predeccesor of super, superb...". Something like that, to sound more persuasive.

Origin - Don't write "Supercali//". write "Supercali-". // does not mean "oh, wait!" but it means stop the actionscript and allow comments to be written. In Adobe Flash CS3 I think. And please try to refine the article. It's pretty hard to understand it if your grammar is at such a level. I'll give you an example of a better paragraph.

After the word was coined, a Jewish Mob which had lost against Rufus flew to London. The Jewish Mob found out that amazingly, the word suoicodilaipxecitsiligarfilacrupus spelt backwards was Supurcalifragilisticexpialidocious, and it henceforth became something very special for them, but till now, the reason for that is unknown. Rumors have it that it was a "key" in which they could build their own nation, since the Jewish were very weak people who could not even build their own country in that age. Report has it that a Jewish man, known as Ben Gurion, had shouted out "Supurcalifragilisticexpialidocious" extremely loud when he found out that it was the key. And one of the Jew's neighbour noticed that, thinking that it was really cool, also wondering if he could own one. Hence, he started to tell people around him about "how amazing that special word is". This could very well have been the birth of Supercaliblabla. More importantly, one of the people the neighbour told was a British, so he misheard "supur" as "super", so that is why there is very little difference between the old word and the supercalifrag- the new word.

Is that fine?

Wikipedia- The descriptions are good, but the grammmar. I beg you, please please edit the grammar. The speech by Sherman is not bad. Maybe you'd like to shift all the bad grammar to him, also showing how he couldn't possibly have constructed the word Supercaliblabla. Please remove the last sentence, or write in small letters. Never write that you're afraid of admins or they'll ban you -oops. sorry admins. I didn't mean it. I don't get it so just write it. Believe me.

Derivations - Don't say "because wikipedia says so". And never use "coz". Use an encyclopaedic tone. For example, "because my mother told me so". That's a far better excuse than Wikipedia (which you have just defamed :))

Extinction - Don't use caps, except for SPCL It's funny, I guarantee, but this is Wikipedia's brother. We use good and proper words, with only the right information. I recommend that you remove the "erm, what" sentence at the back, for it has outlived its usefulness, if it ever had any.

Concept: 7.419 It's original, I guarantee you. It's long, but try not to talk too much on the derivatives. Either that, or lengthen the derivatives. They are too short and just not funny.
Prose and formatting: 2.89 It's very messy and has bad grammar. I would recommend you read the following links. Try to work on the grammar. Maybe you could ask me to proofread it for you. I will if you ask. But visit these links still:

And, you might want to remove the [2] and [3] references in the Wikipedia Quote, and you might also want to <sup>TEXT</sup> text to make it Superscript. Use that for "18th" or the references[1], if you really want them.

Images: 2.49 One image, two vids. The only image is a picture of some user called JohnLennonlol posting SPCL. And its very small. Maybe you could take an image of an italian man, calling him Rufus.
Miscellaneous: 4.9 Averaged.
Final Score: 24.686 You could improve this article, as long as you improve your grammar. But yeah, this is pretty good for a first. (Except for the bad grammar).
Reviewer: zh I hate me new sig 10:02 August 6
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