Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Super Bowl Shuffle

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edit Super Bowl Shuffle

Delaneyrudd 16:40, November 10, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 6 The article seems to be using the voice of a fan of the subject. Work with this; think of the kind of topics and ideas that a die-hard kill-you-in-your-sleep-if-you-disagree fan of this song might talk about. This would, of course, include the lyrics of the song at some point, probably near the beginning. In the second paragraph, it starts to go a bit off topic, talking about the artists' lives and careers after this song was recorded. Try to stay on topic; humor usually works better if it's coherent in its subject.
Concept: 8 A gangsta rap song about the Super Bowl. It's so insane, it just might work! Just the name was enough to grab my attention.
Prose and formatting: 6 I noticed a couple of sentence fragments and clunky wordings. Ex. The brainchild in 1985 by recording legend William "The Refrigerator" Perry,... would sound better as, Written in 1985 by recording legend William "The Refrigerator" Perry,... Ex. Most notably the Big Game Stomp by the 2000 Baltimore Ravens, a project doomed to failure due to licensing problems. is an incomplete sentence that could be attached to the previous sentence. Try copy/pasting the article into a word document and let the grammar checker do its magic. You may also try reading the article aloud, particularly in the presence of friends; that will help you catch the major mistakes, if nothing else.
Images: 5 Right now, the fact that there is only one image in the article isn't a major issue (kudos for the picture; it fits perfectly), but as the article grows, it will require much more. Surf around Uncyclopedia, and be on the lookout for pictures that you might be able to use. Uncyclopedia supports recycling!
Miscellaneous: 6.3 This is about a song, right? You may want to clarify that; there were a few times I was reading through and thought that you were talking about songs from the album Super Bowl Shuffle.
Final Score: 31.3 This is a good idea; it just needs love. If all else fails, ask for help from your friends, both on and offline.
Reviewer: Larrythefunkyferret 09:16, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
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