Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sunday

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I don't know if it's bad form for a noob to submit a second article to be urinated upon so soon after submitting a first, as of yet unreviewed article. But what the hell, I think this one is better and I would like to be reamed and banned before I cause further harm to Uncyclopedia. Thank you for your attention. Ratfactor (talk) 18:36, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

On it. --OliOmniOmbudsman Dumbo 03:23, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
Humour: 8 First off, sorry I'm late with this, article is much longer to read than I expected. Which leads into the main issue, but first, some praise.

I really like your article. Your humor is great, it's a mix of different jokes and ideas and I think you have a very promising career as a writer on this site.

Now let's move onto the critiques. Actually, there's only one critique now that I think about it: the length. Franky, I hardly care what the length of an article is so long as it's good. However, most everyone here will complain about your article and shoot it down because they are too lazy to read more than two paragraphs. There used to be a time when articles had to be long enough for a scroll bar to be appreciated, but those days are long gone....Anyways, the only issue that I see in your article is the length and amount of unnecessary sentences. I personally like the style and prose, but I'm fairly certain other people will appreciate it more if you can shorten the article by removing unnecessary lines and joining sentences to get to the joke faster. For example, I don't really think the list of days as seen in the jewish/gregorian/chinese calendars is necessary. I would delete them or find a better way to shorten them. Another example is the ISO section. It's short, but it confused me a bit and the only real joke I saw in it was the last paragraph about muslims not upgrading their software, which makes the rest of the section seem a little bulky.

Also try shortening or deleting (as a last resort) the sections with topics that aren't really a main focus of the article, like food preservation and blue laws. The thing is, you've got so many jokes, but they are al about different stuff, so you've piled jokes about different topics into one topic, which is pretty impressive. However, it can make for a rather tedious and confusing read, so just try to cut down on some parts and make the article flow a little better. The other readers will appreciate it, which they should because this article is pretty good despite the length.

Concept: 9 A rather difficult concept executed very well. I'm pleased with your work, especially considering you're a noob. My articles were never this fluent when I started out. Thus, you're already doing better than I ever did in the two years I've been here (which is far longer than any normal person should spend on this site. Yea, I know...I just have no place else to go.)
Prose and formatting: 8 Your prose is good and so is your formatting. However, I did notice some grammatical errors, so just be sure to re-check your article before you submit it or anything. Honestly though, they are really small errors and I doubt anyone will notice; I just like to remind people to be on their toes about that sort of thing.
Images: 9 Images are good and so are their captions. Really can't think of anything I can a dives you otherwise on for that, apart from maybe moving one or two images to the left to vary it up a bit. Oh, one issue I do think needs resolution though is to move your first image down to the next paragraph. It would be more relevant next to the Origins section, rather than the intro.
Miscellaneous: 10 This is a surprisingly good article. Actually, it's a pretty good/professional article. You've somehow created an article that talks about masturbation constantly, and yet retains the actual feel of a wiki article. Words cannot express my disbelief and joy. Thanks for giving me hope in this site.
Final Score: 44 A very good job if I may say so. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to message me on my talk page. Also, don't worry about submitting another article, feel free to submit as many as you want. In all honesty, no one really cares what you do so long as you don't troll/vandalize.
Reviewer: --OliOmniOmbudsman Dumbo 05:31, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

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