Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stupid Cats (Revised)
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Ive taken this about as far as I can. Ive made a LOT of cuts and reorganising etc. Im really stumped where to go here, and if anyone has any idea about how to conceptualise this article more (stronger) or an aditional idea/concept to infuse here, Id be very happy. Be as direct, brutal and thorough as you can possibly be. You can write as directly as you want, i have thick skin, though I ask the reviewer to try not to say stuff like (what the fuck were you thinking? or You call thus humour...my dog can make better jokes while pissing...though its up to you ofcourse ;). --17:11, May 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll do it. -- 00:40, May 10, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||Yo yo yo! What's up Shabidoo? How ya doin' Lollipop? That's nice.
Alright, so let's get right down to business. As you guys already know, I'm not to partial to this article. Especially humor wise. There were one or two chuckles in here, but let's be honest, the humor's a bit shabi (ba-dum crash!). But really now, all joking aside, there are a lot of problems with this article. Like the fluency. You guys will have a couple sentences talking about one thing, then all of a sudden you'll be talking about something different without any transition. You guys need to try to talk about the same thing for at least a paragraph, then make a smooth transition into the next thing.
Another thing that annoys me about this article is the fact that I can't understand eighty percent of it. Like take this sentence, for example: "in determining if a cat is stupid, the location is where you will find a stupid cat though finding a cat in a stupid location does not guarantee that the cat is stupid." It makes absolutely no sense. It might make more sense if you added the correct punctuation. Try this, read the article to yourself aloud, and you'll see how choppy and confusing it sounds. I can't tell you how long I spent on HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise just trying to make it sound right. So really, I can't stress this enough, you need to have it all make sense! As it is now, your reader can't understand eighty percent of this. Which means they're only actually reading twenty percent of your article. The other eighty percent could be comedy genius, it could be fuckin' hilarious for all I care, but it makes no difference because your reader can't understand a word of it. So do you see why this is so important? I hope so.
Another thing to look at is how all your jokes (and sections for that matter) seem under developed. Like the history section, for example. All you say is that a stupid cat is born from a normal cat and then is either abandoned or eaten. Look at that! I just summed up that section in sixteen words! But really, in this section alone there's a lot more you could say. Like for example, when was the first stupid cat born?; who first discovered stupid cats?; has there ever been any media coverage of stupid cats? You don't have to use those, but something more would be nice.
The only other thing I have to say is that the section titled "First basic testing of stupid cats" seems a bit listy, and not in the good way.
|Concept:||3||Not even really sure what your concept is here. I feel like if I could understand more of the article I might be able to understand the concept, too.
I will however say that near the beginning it seems like a regular spoof of a Wikipedia. But closer to the end it seems to turn into a HowTo on identifying stupid cats. I find that changing your concept halfway through your article doesn't usually work. Just saying.
|Prose and formatting:||3||Okay, so as I've said, your grammar is atrocious. I'll try to make a list, but I may not catch everything (there's a lot of errors), so you might want to think about running it through a spell and grammar checker. Here we go:
Any other errors in there I din't list because A) I couldn't explain them. Or 2) I couldn't understand what you were trying to say in the first place so I didn't catch them. So like I said before, you might want to run the article through a spell and grammar checker.
Another thing you guys need to do is go through the article and fix the capitalization. There are still a lot of sentence beginnings that aren't capitalized (I didn't list any capitalization errors because it would be too confusing for you guys, and it should be pretty easy to catch without me having to tell you).
|Images:||5||I'll go through image by image.
First image: It's okay, a little bland, but I can understand the caption just fine and it's somewhat funny. Good first image.
Second image: Nice image; good chop. The caption made me chuckle. The only problem I see it that all the other images of stupid cats look like real cats, but this one has the stupid cat looking kind of cartoony. So I would recommend either switching this image, or switching all the others.
Third image: There are a couple things wrong with this image. First, it doesn't line up with the section it goes with. Second, it's right under the other image so it makes the article look ugly. And third, the caption is very confusing. It makes no sense at all.
Fourth image: It's not bad, it's just... lacking something. It's not that there's no caption, it's just that I feel like there's another image that could work better.
Fifth image: Same as above.
Sixth image: Not only did you use the same image as Cooking Stupid Cats, but you used the same caption! Also, I just realized you guys used some of the same content as Cooking Stupid Cats! For shame, guys! For shame...
|Miscellaneous:||3.25||Your score averaged.|
|Final Score:||18.25||So this article as of now is not very good. It'll probably need some major rewriting before it will ever be FA material. But I think you guys can do it. I can't wait to see this article blossom into a great article. If you guys have any questions, comments, pie, blowjobs feel free to drop me a line. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||-- 19:15, May 11, 2011 (UTC)|