Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Steven Moffat
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|Humour:||3||I think the opening title of the guy is too long and evil, I'd keep it to one superlative, we already have the idea he's evil after the couple. In the first section the humour seems to focus on just how evil he and everyone around him is, slipping in an unexpected gag here wouldn't go amiss. In the second section, he's gotten married without it being mentioned anywhere and it's supposed to be a biography. I'd like to suggest instead of him blackmailing authorities we show how evil he is by kidnapping or raping their families or something, a good raping is fun for everyone afterall.
In doctor who it's not overly funny, I think a bit more dark humour should be put into this, not silliness but more satirical. How is David Tennant strapped to a gourney incoherently babbling because of the script funny? The image of it yes, but the text doesn't seem to convey this. The inconsistency with a real biography in the text just seems be more purile than funny.
I am just going to be repeating myself in the other two section so rather than pick at specific parts of the text, I will advise you to read some of the other successful biographies on Uncyclopedia to get a sense of how these should look and be written.
|Concept:||5||Full marks for the concept of him being an evil genious torturing viewers, but the implementation scores you down. The page isn't written like a biography, more a critical review in a Sunday paper column on his work.
The structure needs to be laid out like his real biographical review. Another point I'd like to say is the name dropping, I don't know who most of those people are and it adds nothing to the humour of the page. Rory was introduced at the same time as Amy Pond, he's her boyfriend; she's dressed as a nurse... A dirty slutty nurse, yeah. He's dressed as a policeman. This was before Matt Smith and during David Tennant. Irrelevant but I thought I'd point it out.
|Prose and formatting:||6||You use a lot of comma's if an and or but is coming next, try not to use a comma as they conjoin sentences. This isn't always the case but it is most of the time. Other than that, no obvious spelling mistakes.|
|Images:||5||The first image is good, the second one could be better, perhaps something doctor who related or a terrified looking viewer, for these google images of the film "an irrational fear of everything" may provide this.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||Not really funny and needs to mimick a real article. The aim is misinformation not a complete falasey|
|Final Score:||22||Make it more in the style of the wikipedia article then add the humour and content in after, will have a greater impact on the reader.|
|Reviewer:||—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 14:31, January 17, 2013 (UTC)|