Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Starsky and Hutch

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


edit Starsky and Hutch

Sir Padddy5 CUN VFH 00:20, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

I'm here! Start praying now! Ahem, 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:00, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Right, your humour is relatively good and, to me, seems to have a lot of potential behind it, just needing a couple of small changes to get it to the level it should be at. The first thing I thought could use improvement is the reader's character. It could use a little context to it, if we know who the reader is supposed to be it would set the entire article off. As I read all that I could gather was that the reader's character was looking for Starsky and Hutch, and was then fighting crime with them, and was then killed in the typically blasé fashion that back-up stars are in such shows. I had absolutely no idea why any of this was happening, for all I knew I was a really bad assassin who actually wanted to kill them, but accidentally got killed while completing my mission. If the character is supposed to be a newbie then why is he/she wandering about on the streets with no idea where he/she is? Give the character some context and involve them more. I came to enjoy the sections of stage directions where the reader's character did stuff, for example the idea of them having to hold onto the back of the car is a really good one. Also, though it is done frequently, consider using the {{USERNAME}} template at one point in the article. The other parts of the article are again reasonable, but missing a couple of things. Try to keep things varied and have the characters do more to interact with the reader. They currently just seem to ask yes or no questions of him. If you want him to stay silent then just have the characters talk to him and ask questions but then be so full of themselves they just carry on anyway. You may have noticed that I really think that the character is being underused and you really need to pick up on it.

Otherwise your humour is quite good, just be mindful of rushing the plot onwards, I realise that you don't want to get too carried away and write loads, but try to give the story some more substance as it just seems to be street - police station - other place - warehouse, try to flesh the locations out, add incidental characters, slow the dialogue down. You should go back through your article and ask yourself whether a certain bit is as good as it can be, if it isn't remove it or edit it, be harsh with yourself and keep only the best parts of your article.

Concept: 7 Your concept is good and your execution is almost there. I love the idea of including the reader as a dispensable red shirt and playing on cliché's from the shows. What you need to do now is to work on executing all the parts of your idea in the same way. The idea that they are gay is fine, just don't overdo it. Why not try having it as a running joke throughout the article that culminates at the end, for example try having every character they meet display frustration that the two characters haven't worked it out yet, or just have the two characters mention it a few times in passing. I think having one long conversation about it near the start and then forgetting it until the end, just work at this, it's almost there.
Prose and formatting: 8 Your spelling and grammar is easily up to standard, you just have a minor problem with your syntax (fixed now) and a couple of other small problems. Remember to care when proofreading, typo's can ruin (for me at least) an otherwise excellent article, once you have done the hard part of writing the article just make sure you don't slip up on the easy bit. Your standards are pretty good and I don't think you are a candidate for UN:PS, unless you are feeling lazy that is. Your formatting needs the most work here, I imagine you intended to have the pictures the large sizes and placed in the middle of the article, but it just looks untidy to put a small picture next to one. I am referring to the part at the very start of the article, just space the pictures out if you are going to do that, you have plenty of room to shuffle them round so just work at it. Otherwise you are OK here.
Images: 8 Not bad at all, just watch the resolutions on a couple, it makes them look a bit untidy. Make the images a bit smaller if need be.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 36 You have the makings of greatness here, it feels like it is ready to be brilliant but is just missing some vital parts. Work on the humour and some parts of your execution and you will be a good distance towards this standard. Your article is pretty solid right now but I think that it can be much better than that. Remember that there other opinions besides mine out there, and I would encourage you to ask for an informal second opinion from another editor. If you have any questions or comments about this review or my parentage then feel free to place them on my talk page. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 14:06, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
Personal tools