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Massvideogamer 19:41, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||It wasn’t dire actually. It does need a lot of work but it could also be much worse. First things first though, this bit here: " Now, one of the boys is typing this very article... or until some mean administrator deletes this article thinking his is some cool lard pants. " is just grotesquely self-aware and really spoils the article. You shouldn’t really talk about yourself in articles like that, it’s borderline vanity. Putting the article down in the article is also bad policy as it just sounds annoying, as well as mentioning admins.
" He spontaneously combusted, thus discovering fire, one of the greatest inventions of all time... but since he died, the word Spuck was left with no meaning. " This bit came across as a little lazy, a cave man “inventing” fire and I mean spontaneous combustion? Try a sentence more like this: “Trapped between dry sticks and a falling dinosaur, the friction of being dragged down hill caused Grug to combust. Grug’s untimely death did create fire, one of the most widely used commodities on the planet, however it also rendered the word “spuck” meaningless.” Funnier you see because it’s taking a silly thing more serious and sounds faintly plausible. And generally in the History section I think you could make it flow better rather moving too quickly from one thing to the next make it more gradual and maybe be a bit more inventive.
I did like the new Nike logo that you made up ("Just Spuck It ") that actually made me laugh out loud. And I like the whole idea of legal battle over words
|Concept:||6||I do like the concept of a word without a meaning, it’s quirky. But I think there is more you could do with it.
Try expanding into the idea of the attempts at finding a meaning being more like a quest, Indiana Jones style maybe. But funny.
Also I can hardly fail to mention the similarity of this idea with the idea behind an episode of “Recess” I watched once – when I was 12, not recently – but I promise I won’t mention it again.
|Prose and formatting:||5||Never quote yourself. Ever. I find quotes annoying anyway but quoting yourself? No.
You need to sound less nonchalant throughout the article take it a bit more seriously and try and introduce some of your ideas more gradually.
Also I recon the “Attempts at finding a meaning” and “Dictionary definition” sections should be merged. And I’d get rid of the fun facts section entirely; it’s just a silly list that doesn’t add anything to the article.
Then you need to sort out the order of the sections it should read History, Examples, Legal action, Attempts at finding a meaning so it flows better.
Your spelling and grammar seemed ok but get it looked over by UN:PS just in case.
|Images:||0||Oops you appear to have forgotten something. Although the article being about a word it’s kind of hard to think what would be appropriate. Basically try and choose one of you better jokes and think of how to illustrate it then put in a picture request or make it yourself. Or find a related joke/picture and give it a good caption.|
|Miscellaneous:||3.75||(Averaged score of other fields)|
|Final Score:||18.75||Considering this is a first effort it’s very good! Do try and read some of the best articles and be really sure to read HTBFANJS. And I hope to see more of your contributions. If you would like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.|
|Reviewer:||MuCal. 10:35 19 June 2008|