Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Socialist Alternative
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hi, just looking for some input and ideas to make this funnier :)
Eatmyshorts 15:34, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
NOTE: THIS REVIEW WAS PERFORMED ON THE ARTICLE AS OF 5/4/08, AND DOES NOT COVER THE “UNDER CONSTRUCTION”
|Humour:||6||Nothing too grand, but at the same time, this article definitely was not a waste of reading. If I had to say one particular thing made me laugh, it was the part about “charming the nation and gaining power in the recent federal election” despite shooting the Prime Minister in the head. On whole, that was the only truly funny part, aside from the section I will talk about under Images. I think a review of HTBFANJS would help here. Don’t get me wrong, your article was not stupid, but, sadly, it was not funny either.|
|Concept:||7||Overall, I did enjoy the concept behind this article, but you hit a few bumps and irregularities. As an example, take the fact that the SA infected insist on reading the works of Karl Marx, despite the fact that, according to the tone of this article, Karl had nothing (or little) to do with the rise of Marxism.
Also, if Australia had aplenty to do with the rise of Marxism, then why are the theories of Russia the primary center of interest? You have good ideas going here, but I just don’t think they were though all the way through.
|Prose and formatting:||4||In one word, Zounds! This article needs quite a bit of help from the Proofreading service, as grammatical errors abounded in this article, ranging from simple misspelling mistakes (susceptable should be susceptible, and sporatic should be sporadic) to blotching big words (samori should be samurai, regardless of regional spelling, and excerbate should be exacerbate) to even making up words (Brainectomy?!)
Some sentences also seemed just a bit out of place, including “small and not widely known group were responsible for shooting” in the opening sentences (Was instead of Were) and “successful and the prognosis is often good” sounds a bit weak and feeble compared to the tone of the article. I will not pretend that I caught every mistake, so again, head over to the Proofreading service to get everything.
|Images:||8||The first image, that of the field of flowers, gave the image of a highly prosperous (and highly fertilized!) area, and provided a decent first swing for the article in brief. The caption, understandably, was not humourous, presenting the information with a straight face, which contributed to the rest of the article. No change needed here
The second picture, showing the protest in process, allowed things to swing a bit forward in the article. I do think this particular image could have used a somewhat more humourous caption, lightly satiring the protesters as brain damaged or something along that line, but this change may be unnecessary.
The picture describing the brain of the average SA member got me laughing, but is, admissibly, a bit too involved for a reader to go through the entire thing, but even skimming it is enough for the reader to get a good sense of what is going on, something that I feel came in decently. The caption under it was, again, somber and serious, presenting the misinformation with a straight face, therefore, no change here.
|Miscellaneous:||6.25||Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines|
|Final Score:||31.25||Ok, I will be honest, you do have a nice article shaping up here, and a couple of good ideas in formation, all you need to do is edit it a bit. Here is your to do list.
This article does have the potential to become featured, but at the moment, I would say its about as good as the average Uncyclopedia article. When you have finished with the improvements, feel free to submit another request to get a second look at this article. Good luck!
|Reviewer:||Warm Regards, Javascap|