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I made a page called Slade, and the way it's supposed to be is that the band was from another planet, had success in Britain, and the whole page is misspelled on purpose because of their songs. Any other suggestions? MrCleveland 17:19, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
MrCleveland 17:19, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
- I'm still too n00b to be a qualified pee sprayer (with full review and score using the shiny template) but I can sort out a few things. The comedic effect of the intentional misspelling has not been achieved in any way. It just looks like......a bunch of misspelled words with no clear purpose. This page is very short and would need to be expanded substantially (obviously). I would; add Faked photos that "prove" the band is from outer space, drop the misspellings except for song/album titles (fake album cover helps), add discography, drop batman and robin, add character development of the band members and perhaps take the entire "band from outer space" angle into a conspiracy theory. If you know of a particular band with a history of public disagreements between the members, you can superimpose those realities onto your fake band. Just triple the hostility level. I did a fake band article using Japanese monsters called War Of The Gargantuas, give it a look. It's not VFH material but it's funny if you're into metal and TOHO movies.-- 13:24, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
- I shall add, my mom really is a die-hard Slade fan. But maybe after being a n00b, you may be able to help me out. :)
|Concept:||3||This article has the same problems the A Christmas Story except worse. I would agree with most of what DrStrange said, except I wouldn't say drop all the spelling errors. Writing in the style of the subject is generally funny, but I just don't feel like its working right now, so you might consider it, or it might make more sense if you flesh it out. Also, the "band from outerspace" idea might not work too well. Outlandish ideas tend to give your article a "random" feel. In A Christmas Story, you were able to avoid temptation to add random ideas |
You seriously need to flesh out the article more. Has Slade ever done anything funny besides misspelling words? If so, put that in your article. You normally can't get by with only one idea, it gives your article a "bashing with a sledgehammer" feel to it. Its always good to be consistent, and repetition sometimes funny, but repetition needs to be in something (i.e. there needs to be something between the repetitions) to be funny.
Making up a weird scenario sometimes works, especially is its a satire on an existing fact, but making it the backbone of your article runs the risk of turning your article into a "beaten-to-death bad pun", like some of the worse unNews articles.
Also, your sending your articles to pee review when they are still in an outline stage. If you find yourself only be able to get to the 2-3 kilobyte range, you might want to consider focusing on only one article at a time, or doing your articles in userspace.
|Prose and Formatting:||3||You made many of the same mistakes as your did in the A Christmas Story article. This needs a serious fleshing out, so I'm not going to reformat it. A fleshing out might expand and separate the same paragraphs that reformatting would condense. Formatting errors include:|
WRITE IN PARAGRAPHS if you find that your writing one and two line paragraphs, your article needs more content, or you dividing your paragraphs wrong.
No introduction: You made the same mistake in A Christmas Story here, you might be able to get away with getting rid of the first header. You do not want a table of contents by itself at the top.
No See Also section. See also sections make your article look longer, and would get rid of some of the white space at the bottom.
Column of images on the right. Generally, you don't want pics on top of pics, and you definitively don't want pics generating white space at the bottom. If you add more text, this problem might correct itself.
|Images:||5||The first two images are rather funny, but they just don't "work" for some reason. Maybe its because your prose needs work, and the spelling errors, combined with the short paragraphs gives it a bad "feel" to it. It might go away once you add more content and tone down some of the spelling errors. The last one is unrelated, and probably should be removed.|
|Humour:||3||Its too outline-y and random. Basically what I said in the concept section. Also, too many intentional spelling errors can make it hard to read. Generally, misspelling long words slightly, or replacing a word with a homonym causing the least trouble, replacing the starting letter of a short word would cause the most trouble. Its not too bad right now, but it might get worse when you expand it.|
|Improvability Score:||3.5||This article is much like your A Christmas Story without the potential and with the problem of randomness. I don't know much about the subject, so I can't help you that much.|
Also, normally, I wouldn't have reviewed this article, I don't like to review several articles by the same author in succession, and I don't know anything about the band. I'd basically be giving out the same advice several times to the same person. However, the queue is short, and I have either recently reviewed other articles by the same author, or the articles are about subjects I am unfamiliar with.
|Final Score:||17.5||Unless you have more ideas for this one, I'd work on other articles.|
|Reviewer:||--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 00:11, 27 December 2008 (UTC)|
- Okay, I made an introduction, added some sentences, and the only reason why the last pic was on there is because I would like to mention not only Slade was a band, but also Superheroes that are trying to defeat Robin since he's gay and work for the Marvel Superheroes.