At first this article showed a real promise, but it quickly degenerated into cock jokes. You can either be silly about serious things or serious about silly things. Since Sir Swagsalot is something you made up, you need to have some realism in your article. Don't simply say that his parents were LGBT linguists and that he went to the kingdoms of Cawk and Baulz. Those are just individual immature jokes that don't fit together, when the jokes should build up and complete the story as a whole.
So another angle could have been Sir Swagsalot being swag, contrasted with the other prim and proper Crusaders for Christ. Or talk about his swagadelic adventures in the Middle East. Or make him a 21st century wannabe knight who's really a 13 year old dorky kid. Don't give a shitty life story filled with cock and gay jokes, and end with a cliched suicide ending that sounds like it was ripped off from a movie.
Last, if you're going to use quotes, use actual language from the time period. Sir Swagsalot was called Sir Fagsalot? Well in the 50s a fag was another word for a cigarette, so there's no way it was used in that context hundreds of years ago.