Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Side effects

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edit Side effects

The old version was really bad. I fixed it up, and I want some feedback/editing/ideas. --Cajek 06:03, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 2 I really don't get it at all.
Concept: 8 We definitely could use an article on side effects, especially since most of the time the disclaimers for drugs are longer than the entire rest of the ad.
Prose and formatting: 0 Most of it seems to be lists, and parts of it are true. Maybe a quick look at UN:HTBFANJS might help; I'm usually sent there a lot myself anyway.
Images: 8 I like the first image (especially the caption!) The second one, well, I see the general intent, but I think it could use a bit more UN:SPOV.
Miscellaneous: 5 "Male menopause" and "Inexplicable desire to join the Army"? Weird.
Final Score: 23 Like I said earlier, great concept – we NEED an article about side effects – but too much of it seems like nothing but lists, obscure inside jokes, and outright patent nonsense. My own suggestions for this one would be:
  1. Get rid of the lists. This is probably the biggest one to start with, and will probably take the most work, but I'll be more than happy to help if you want (and I'm sure other users will too). If you can maybe expand it into full paragraphs, possibly in a more mock-formal style, that would greatly improve the article's overall score.
  2. Cut back on inside jokes and plagiarism. Taking jokes from, say, The Colbert Report probably isn't good because (1) it's not original, and (2) guys like me who don't watch Comedy Central often probably won't get the more obscure references. Chances are that if the majority of readers don't get the joke, it probably won't have that much of an effect.
  3. Get rid of the true bits, unless you can find a way to work them into SPOV. The actual side effects of chemotherapy aren't that funny on their own (in fact, I think it's kind of scary that there are so many and yet people have no problem with this), so you'll probably want to either find a way to make them funny – even something as simple as an image caption could help – or take them out.
  4. Clarify your meaning – I had to read the first paragraph a couple times before I really got it. Maybe clarify it grammar-wise, or else re-write it altogether. I'm not really much good with the grammar stuff myself, but I can try to give some tips if you want.

As I said, if you want/need help, just let me know – I'll be happy to look over it, give suggestions, and re-review it once you think it's ready.

Reviewer: Ninjastar-no Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima(VOTE FOR ME!)talk(AND MY PICS TOO!)contribs 19:40, 3 July 2007 (UTC)
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