Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Shadow the Hedgehog (video game)

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edit Shadow the hedgehog (video game)

I'd like to say that this article is my first contribution to uncyclopedia and I think it turned out quite nicely. I'd also like to mention that I mostly made this article for myself and some friends, so some references might be a little esoteric. Some jokes are pretty blatant (especially in the controversies and reviews sections, I kind of just ran out of steam there), but there's definitely some wit. I suppose that people who have played the game should get some of the references, but they might have a problem with how I exaggerated the game's violence and Shadow's character overall. Any criticism (constructive please) would be greatly appreciated.

Igotnothing (talk) 00:50, December 12, 2012 (UTC)

Humour: 4.3 Pretty good for a first contribution. With the humor, there was some goods and some bads. I'll start off with the goods. The first thing that caught my attention at most was under the first section on the "Looks like this game has a story!", where the introduction was making me chuckle. The Michael Bay reference is usually too old, but in this case it was properly used and not used where it was expected. (If that makes sense) For example, if this was a Battle LA (the movie) article and I saw a Michael Bay reference, it would most likely be lame and unfunny. In this case, it was well used. What would've been funnier is if you used it after explaining quickly what happens that triggered one's mind into related it into Michael Bay's explosion-packed films. You did enhance later on explaining, along with an image which I can only assume is an image from the beginning of the game. Another thing that came to mind was the captions for the images. Repetition is sometimes funny and in this case, it could only go to one's point of view. I liked the "kill Sarah Conner" caption the most. The "blew up a bus" one also was humorous. Good job. The bads consisted of a few things. For example, sometimes (I have learned for myself) that the truth is mostly funnier than pure lies. You'll get this a lot from this site. Also, as veteran Spike has told me, sometimes swearing is not always good for an article. This is a parody of Wikipedia, right? The first time I stumbled here was looking up a video game. I came across this article and it made fun of it gradually towards the end, where I realized it was complete bullshit. Rather than swearing and going crazy directly in the beginning, give it off as an actual appearance of a Wikipedia article. Make the reader think it is legit, and then make him/her slowly realize he/she is reading complete utter nonsense. Also, lists are sometimes okay. I didn't bother reading twice over the list and voice actors because they are unappealing. Not being judgemental, but lists are sometimes not even read by anyone. I know that when I see a list, sometimes I don't care. If you want more explanation for some of this, ask someone besides me. I am still pretty new here too. So I will not go longer here. Overall here, good job. Just needs some revision and what I explained above.
Concept: 5 I'm going to give you an average score for this. The concept is well-known and funny. I, myself have not played Shadow the Hedgehog but you did a good job on wanting to read it. I didn't like the meme references such as the caption with a "You killed Kenny reference", it is unoriginal and overused. In this case, it was used in a not-so good way. Please remember what things you write down and if they relate to the concept you are trying to tell. Good job. Your strong suit was the topic and the fact you stayed on topic (almost didn't), but the unoriginal usage of somethings in the article brought it down a hair.
Prose and formatting: 6.7 Grammar was okay. Spellings were a little bad. You did manage to not go overboard (the meaning of overboard will change to a stricter overboard later, my friend) when you starting saying, "Oh where was I?" You know, the lost from the topic part. Format was used properly too. The lists, remember what I said above. If you need more explanation, just ask more or another user for some help.
Images: 7 I liked how you used pictures (more than one, too) and managed to keep them related to the game. Good captions, good pictures. Just two of the pictures (the revolver and the picture of the file) didn't really "go with the flow". If that makes sense.
Miscellaneous: 6.6 The article is definitely mainspace worthy. Keep working on it please. Not feature ready, but still good. Almost approaching vanity level content, but not there.
Final Score: 29.6 Good job for your first article. Just remember what I said, and please go for some help from other users. (Make sure you can trust them too, haha) Because they have a lot more experience.
Reviewer: --SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 02:07, December 12, 2012 (UTC)
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