There are a few problems with this UnNews. For a start it’s not the most original thing I’ve ever read (Masturbation is more fun than sex because you don’t have to talk afterwards, it’s a pretty common joke) but you did make the effort to present it in an original manner. What you could do to add a little absurdity to the joke is say that actually seventy percent of people prefer a nice stroll in the park with their dog than sex.
Also the article is a little short. A perfect opportunity for satire (providing you include the above) would be to have those Christian Abstinence groups capitalise on this or even stretch the point by having anti-sex groups getting involved.
As the above really; not the most original. UnNews articles (and articles in general) based on statistics as their main source of humour are rarely good which is why you need to incorporate other ideas (as suggested above).
Prose and formatting:
It needs some work mostly paragraphing. And you need to add links. Also the template is sorta redundant considering there is an UnNews logo in the top right and giant lettering telling us it is UnNews. Oh and UnNews articles need to start with bolded place names so in this case Laguna Beach, CALIFORNIA would be appropriate.
Articles need pictures! For this article you could have the statistics depicted in a graph with suggestive stains on it, especially if you take on bored my other ideas as then you can have the masturbation gag as just an unimportant one liner.
Averaged score of other fields.
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