Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sephora

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edit Sephora

I acknowledge this is pretty bad. I also don't care.

MeatLoafFan 03:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

i hope yer female, because if youre a dude, you got some issues with girls. go easy there ted bundy. actually i think its pretty funny to rip on a company, its logo, an a stereotyype of its customers, but all this 'whore' stuff is kind od scaring me

Humour: 3 I liked this line: 'Holy Carp!! Do you want that? I didn't think so. ' But this element (the most important) was pretty poor. It was a mix of fantastical speculation ('putting poisonous fungi in the make-up which will lead to the ressurection of Hitler!'), heavy-handed sarcasm, pure bitterness ('Everything about this whoring-yourself-out makeup brand is indeed pure evil') and unfunny bias ('bloody FRENCH!'). Even associating with the devil is not going to hold truck with many readers out there, who probably think that the guys on the side of the angels are just as bad! Anyway, I would suggest learning from some classic comedies (my faves are Monty Python, Vic and Bob, The Fast Show, and in America, Seinfeld and Saturday Night Live) and reading some resources here to pick up on some well-known comedic techniques. Its like a rant at the minute - and rants can be funny, if done properly.
Concept: 5 The concept of an article parodying a real-life cosmetic chain is a good one. And quite an unusual one too (given that fast-food joints and corporate conglomerations are easier targets). I would have a think about what is inherently funny about the cosmetic world - for instance, animal testing, how safe the cosmetics actually are - these are great objects for satire.
Prose and formatting: 6 Ain't so bad. Too many red links though - get rid of them. Rather than tell you which bits were ungrammatical, I'll fix them myself. The formatting was O.K. - when you're adding more to the article, be sure to keep the prose and the paragraphs nice and punchy.
Images: 6 Ok - I did like the manipulation of the Sephora image at the bottom of the article. But I would have a think about how you can manipulate the image to make a funnier statement. You could be pretty crude - but I'm not gonna say specifically - and lets say it would tie in with the theme of jailbait girls. Perhaps you could have images of perfumes which satirize a brand they sell - for example South Park satirized Calvin Klein's range with a perfume called 'Skanque'.
Miscellaneous: 5 (Averaged)
Final Score: 25 Needs quite a lot of work (as you yourself admit), and hopefully my review can aid that. I'd be happy to help you out if there was anything you did not understand about my review (because I'm a bit of a frenetic typer!) or if you need some help with the article.
Reviewer: --Knucmo2 17:56, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
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