Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Seattle Seahawks

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edit Seattle Seahawks

I've got the basic outline of it right now, and I'm wondering what I could do to potentially bolster its content.

S3ahawk 21:02, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah ok ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 07:18, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 4 Alright you have the foundations set, that's for sure. But none of it is sadly of top notch quality which we like to have around this place. In summary most section need to be expanded beyond three lines and you need more jokes to go with your over abundance of facts. Thats the first rule.

Second you need humorous images to go with your content and the new content, most of them right now aren't terribly funny and the walrus is quite random, but more on that later.

Here is a section by section in-depth review of the changes you need to make, why you need to make them and what benefit they will have over the article as a whole:

Introduction - Alright, I want you to read this back to yourself please. And think whether your introduction is any good. Here I'm going to point out, your introduction is far to short and is just about zero on the jokes:

The Seattle Seahawks are a professional American football team based somewhere in the nether regions of the United States. They are currently members of the Western Division of the National Football Conference (NFC) in the National Football League (NFL). They were relevant at one point in time, but they have since faded away into the depths of obscurity (read mediocrity).

I basically see you understand the topic here, but until the line they have since faded away into the depths of obscurity (read mediocrity). you have failed to try and produce anything funny. And even that bit at the end could be better that simply mocking something or trying to point out an inconvenient truth. So down to what an intro should have in it.

  • It should be funny right from the word go.
  • Be at least two good size paragraphs and not just 3 lines.
  • Have a funny image as well, not just a bland image with an equally as bland caption.

That's my introduction advice, it seriously needs a lot of work otherwise the reader will just get bored.

Conception - The Nobody Cares sort of approach you've used here, is probably the worst thing you could do to your article for a good few reasons:

  • It's generally not funny.
  • Unoriginal.
  • Commonly done in Uncyclopedia articles.
  • Proper satire makes you look more interested in the topic.
  • Saying no-one cares says to me they should not be notable, yet you are still writing an article on it?

Please try a satirical and more humorous approach to writing your articles. It will make this article more successful and you more successful on this in general. Just a little suggestion, please consider it when doing the re-write!

Early History - Basically the same as above. Its kind of getting bland by now to point out the flaws n the teams. Make fun of them if you insist, but in a witty way. Point out some durpish moments that had in the early history or some defining events. But simply saying Nobody Cared about them isn't funny. It wasn't funny two paragraphs ago, so why would it be now?

Their One Successful Year - This entire section is a giant nasty mockery, can it.

Super Bowl XL - By now, I can see your source of humor is far too inconsistent, what are you trying to do here? Mock something? Honor something by mocking something different? Point out an inconvenient truth? Yeah well so far I've noticed varying levels of all three. Try and stick to one or maybe two or these, as it gets far too confusing for the reader to follow. I also think the zebra magical powers is very random and should be re-done with something remotely believable, otherwise you're just being silly.

Current Team - Seriously underdone, is you plan on doing a team overview, don't focus an entire paragraph to just the one individual as you have done. Current sub-headings for half the team, or maybe more than that. Couple that with images of the team members and this section has potential to be amusing and well written.

I might also suggest that you consider moving the whole section to an earlier point in the article rather than at the end, to help with the flow or the article. Right now it seems to jump from two questionably unrelated points, in fact I've seen that a lot. Please re-consider what order the headings should go in.

Some good stuff, but far too much bad stuff. Making fun of something in a crude way is barely ever funny. Try a more witty approach using actual events, rather than what you view as the opinions of others.

Concept: 4.5 Rightio the concept of your article. It is extremely weak and needs a lot of work. You have shown me you know enough about them to write an uncyclopedic article for your topic. But I think you have failed to do so. You need humor for an uncyclopedic style concept and as I mentioned above you lack heavily in this humor and rely to heavily on facts. This is not wikipedia. So I'll suggest some things on how to write an uncyclopedic article:
  • I see you are kinda in and out of this place. If you plan to make your stay read the beginner's guide the information within it is invaluable.
  • Make fun of it in a satirical way, whilst not being over the top.
  • Find humor in facts. But only include the facts that are going to serve a satirical purpose
  • Modify the truth to make it funny. But not too much as to make it absurd., we want it to be believable at least!

Yeah, follow these steps and you should develop a greater concept. Also if you're humor improves so should its concept of a satirical article.

Prose and formatting: 6 Alright some nice formatting here, but also some pretty dodgy stuff as well. First of all, the full on lack of content in sections with images has fucked up the headings majorly, I hope when you add a shit load of content to bulk it out, this will sort of fix itself.

Also until the later bits of the article you use a good number of links. But you suddenly slacked off towards the end. What happened man? You need to be consistent, just add a few links to the end. It'll take you all of a few minutes to do that. Nothing major.

Do I quick spell check for some spelling errors, or maybe my spellchecker is dodgy, anyway make sure you're spelled everything correctly. And also NFL is an acronym and should be done in all caps.

Images: 6.5 Well it is good to see you actually bothered to include some image, but I'm gonna whine a little about structural flaws and relevance flaws in the case of the walrus image.

Ok, once some content has been added, try playing with the image size make them larger than they are by default it looks pretty when you fiddle with them, I see you did for the first one but not so for the others.

Make the captions funny! Don't just state whats happening in the picture the reader can figure it out for themselves, but in something witty and hilarious.

Add an image later on in the article and replace the walrus with something not as questionably irrelevant. Seriously, please.

Miscellaneous: 5.5 My overall rating out of 10.
Final Score: 26.5 So yeah that's about it, as I said over and over. It's a good start but needs a lot of work before its finished. Good luck with this and I look froward to reading this when its finished.
Reviewer: ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au
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