Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Scopes Monkey Trial

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edit Scopes Monkey Trial

I've rewritten the article and added a few pictures. -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 18:46, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 Sometimes, you go too far for a joke. "... West Harley Interstate Terrifying Economical Tennessee Regional Assumed School of High (W.H.I.T.E. T.R.A.S.H)", for example, is waay too far, with too little return on the not-inconsiderable investment that the reader used to read it. That said, "... the town was divided. The men were put on one side and the women were put on the other in order to eliminate the possibility of reproduction while the controversy was sorted out." is the perfect distance to go for a joke. It's quick, tight and unexpected.
Concept: 7 A fairly straight (by Uncyc standards) take on the trial.
Prose and formatting: 7 Some good English, some okay. Sentences like "He then declared that everything the defense had was no longer being allowed in court." would be better as "He then declared that the defense's entire case was no longer admissible in court." This makes it sound more lawtastic. In the very least, knock "being" out of the sentence.

Minor quibbles:

  1. When you quote, use italics. It's not mandatory, by any means, but "To hell with it, he did it." sticks out as a quote more than "To hell with it, he did it.", when it's surrounded by non-quotes.
  2. Stick with the times, man. "Darwin Я t3h 1337 h4x0rz3я" and "DARWIN IS TEH SUX0RS LAWL!!!1!!1eleven" don't belong in a tale from that era (they push the readers out of the story, rather than draw them in to it). Nor does "...he offered twenty bucks to anyone who told on him", as that was an enormous amount of money back then (the Rockefeller clan in toto was only worth $149, and they were millionaires). "Two bits" would be a more appropriate amount.
  3. This pic doesn't fit, either. The horns are fine, but Hitler wasn't Hitler back then. Well, he was, but hopefully you get the idea. Also, this bit would be more appropriate if I put it in the next section. I'm sure that the Pee Review of this Pee Review will ding me for it.

...that being said, not sticking with the lingo of the era can work; you just have to be consistent with the inconsistency.

Images: 5 The first is fine, the second is close, the third and fourth aren't there at all. In other words: needs more pictures. Pictures are pretty. I like pretty. But I digress...
Miscellaneous: 10
Final Score: 35 A good start. I hope that my review isn't as useless as it appears to me, reading it now on preview. Oh, well. Pee Reviews are hard.
Reviewer: Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:25, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

Well, I guess it's fortunate I made a version of the picture without all the Nazi stuff on him. Thanks for the help! -- The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done 22:32, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

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