Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Schindler's Listcruft

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edit Schindler's Listcruft

Um, yes. I'd like a hamburger, a cheeseburger without pickles, a cheeseburger with nothing but pickles, two large cokes, a small coke, a medium coke, a medium coke, three large cokes, and a medium fries. --Hyperbole 07:31, 6 July 2008 (UTC)


Sir, this is a funeral parlor, please move along.

WoodburninatorPee

I can probably do this tonight or tomorrow. Hope you can hold still until then. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:55, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 8.5 Lets try and go section by section, shall we?
  • Intro: 7.5. While there aren't too many jokes here, I like that it sets up the rest of the article. There are a few places that make me smile. The first line itself is pretty damn good. Its short, which I don't mind at all, since it does what you need it to do. Its funny enough not to bring the rest of the article down, and it doesn't try and do more than it should. There aren't any really really funny moments, but its funny enough for me to keep reading, and get to the rest of the article. Honestly, the only reason I'm giving this lower than an 8 is because some of your other sections are so good, that in comparison this isn't overly amazing.
  • Early Life: 8. Again, another solid section. The link to nerd made me laugh, and the list was well done. The fact that one of the reasons he liked soup was "It's Good " was pretty smart to me. The I like turtles line was unexpected enough, to get a chuckle. It nicely gives an example of Schindler's writing style as well. Again with this section, its well written, and fairly funny. I guess you could add another joke here, but I really think its just fine as it is.
  • Nazi Party: 10. This is easily the strongest section of your article for me. I won't usually give out 10s, but this had me laughing for a minute or so, and I laughed again when I read it the second and third time. I'm not really sure how much I can say about this section, as I'm not sure if I would change a damn thing. The list, the repercussions of his making the list; everything is spot on. In fact, I'll just stick with it's damn good. I wouldn't change a thing about this section. Good job.
  • World War II: 8. This is a good section. I think the list in this section could use a little work, but it might just a change in the order of things. If I'm not mistaken(and I might be) the on-topic things on this list are in chonological order, which I unerstand, but it doesn't quite snap as well as it should. I would not have "Write a list of Jews to save" as the first one on the list. I would probably switch it with "Hire Jewish children to polish the insides of artillery shells." It makes me laugh that that would be the first idea he had to save the Jews, and the idea for the list came later. Also, I would switch the last two. Right now it looks too uniform with two actual ones, then an off-topic, then two actual ones, and an off-topic one. Switching the two would make it seem a little more random, which I think you want here. The two off-topic items in the list are ok, but didn't make me laugh like the earlier ones. While it is off-topic, I don't know if the Oscar Wilde one is funny enough. I would probably go with something different here. I don't think it will be too much of a problem for you.
  • Schindler's (most famous) list: 7. I think this section is the weakest, which you don't want, as that is what people will walk away with. I like that the Jews have censored the list to help keep the memory of Schindler revered, and I like the I.P. vandalis joke. The problem is, it looks like all three of the off-topic pieces of the list are the work of vandals, and no Schindler-like random things in the list. I think the three you have now work as vandal works, so I would probably expand the list slightly, and add two off-topic things that are more like what your Schindler would write (along with some more names to balance it out). Right now it looks too much like Schindler didn't do anything but write a normal list, and vandals got a hold of it. (Its a little tough to explain this, so if you are confused, please let me know, and I'll try to explain it better.) Also, I noticed that while he came up with the list of Jewish people to save, you don't actually say how he went about saving them. I think you could write about that, and get some comedy out of it. Its ok as it is, but I feel like it might be a bit of a hole in the article. I know they seem like small things, but they are important enough, and the rest of the article is good enough, that it feels a little weak.

I honestly think this is better overall, than the sum of the parts. I would probably give it an overall of 9, but it says 8.5, so I guess thats what you get. Oh well, it's still awesome.

Concept: 9 I really like the title first off. And you nailed it in the article. He really does add listcruft into everything. Like I said earlier, if you fix up the last two lists, which would really help with the concept, I'd say this is pretty great.
Prose and formatting: 9 First off, if anyone says this is too listy, they are stupid. The lists are part of the writing style here, and is in the title. It seems to go Paragraph, list, Paragraph. I don't have an issue with this. You've gotten it to work for you. The way everything is written is fine. There are just a few little problems, but they are mostly typos. In the intro, you have the word "the" twice before 11,345. You left out the l in Schindler the first time you see his name is the section "WWII" and right after the list in "WWII" you have "History tell us" just add an s to tell. Those are the only three I have found. Other than that, I see no problems with it.
Images: 8 It's a little tough to judge the images here. They work well, you wouldn't want to do anything too crazy anyway. The Captions are very good. I don't really understand why Heinrich Himmler made the one list, but if you have good reason for it, its fine. It's just over my head. You may want to add a third image at the bottom of the article in the "Schindler's most famous) list" section, perhaps of Reichsmarschall Göring, or a Penis monkey, even if it isn't real. It could be funny, and it would take up an empty-looking block.
Miscellaneous: 8.6 Averaged
Final Score: 43.1 I really like this. It made me laugh in multiple places. There are very few things I would change in it. Sorry if I didn't give you too many ideas, there just wasn't much to give in this article. It's already so good. I wouldn't mind VFHing this whenever you want. If you want to make changes, or anything thats fine. If you want me to, just let me know. Very good work. If you need anything else, or want to call me a moron, just go to my talk page. Good day.
Reviewer: The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:00, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
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