Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Satanic cult
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FairyGarland 12:12, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||4||I like some of what's there, which is good. There's not much of it, which is less good. You are on the right track, though, so I'm happy to give you a 4 here, which in this case means "good but not enough of it". Good bits include much of the two proper paragraphs there. Less good is the list that follows. Remember UN:LIST - try to avoid lists if you can, and work any ideas into them into a good paragraph or two. I think there's plenty of potential here, and with a bit of work, this could turn into a decent article. Try to avoid insults (like "your God is a nasty sadist twat"), and concentrate on sounding like a slick, ingratiating salesperson.|
|Concept:||6||I like the basic concept here, although I think it's a bit confused - all of the decent content so far sounds like it may be more at home in Why?:Join A Satanic Cult. Perhaps you need to spend a little more time thinking about how you are going to get a full article out of this concept. Perhaps a move to the Why? namespace may help. Then the main thing you need is a may of expanding the concept past the initial patter into a consistent, persuasive and funny article. No problem!|
|Prose and formatting:||4||It's short, and there's a list. What's there has potential, as I say, but there needs to be more of it, and what you add needs to be considered, consistent, and not listy, if possible. I'll give a couple of ideas in the final comment box, but expansion and list removal are the order of the day here.|
|Images:||4||Two images, one rather small. Hmm. The big one could so easily be more. I'm pretty sure someone on UN:PIC could change that into a more demonic image - hell, I may even have a go myself, but do raise the request in case I don't get round to it. There's plenty of satanic imagery on Uncyc, have a look around for some - you need more pics for sure, and they need to be fairly relevant. Good images, considering this is about trying to get people to join, would probably involve satanic figures in comically unthreatening poses and suchlike. I'm sure you can track a few down.|
|Miscellaneous:||4.5||Averaged - the power of Satan compels me.|
|Final Score:||22.5||Wow, that's a fairly average mark there, isn't it? Thing is, I really do like this idea, but it needs a lot of expansion. Think about the namespace move I suggested, and also have a think about the following suggestions:
OK, so hopefully you're going with the Why? idea. Great, so you have plenty of options. For instance, most religions agree you're going to hell, but in a Satanic Cult, we celebrate the fact! None of this guilt for us, let's just admit we're fucked and have a party! Let's not forget also that the Devil has all the best tunes, you can wear black - which suits everyone and goes with anything, and all that jazz. Basically, spin the thing out! The trick here is to get a good paragraph or two from each idea, rather than a line. Don't get lazy and fall back on the easy target celebs like Michael Jackson and the like, concentrate on selling this as the ultimate choice for anyone who knows they can't live up to the impossible expectations of most religions and who's fed up with being told they're going to hell for it! I think there's plenty of material to use along those lines, so have fun with it!
If you want any more ideas, have a word on my talk page, I'm sure I can add a few more. And remember: this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck!
|Reviewer:||--SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:17, May 20|