Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sarah Palin addresses the Australian Tea Party (revised)
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Shabidoo did the first review for this article and I incorporated (at least, I think I incoporated) all his constructive criticism. Hopefully this makes it really good. Let me know what you think. --Username18 KUN FP 22:56, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||Hi there, mister Username18! How ya doin'? Anyway, let's cut the chat and get right down to business. This is a pretty good article, but I can't help feeling like it's a bit too short. Although, that's okay; there are a lot of ideas in here I think you can expand on. Let's go through them.
First off, this is a really little thing, but I think it would be funny if in the beginning you said "thank you so much for paying my $25,000,000 fee for this free video message." Just a thought.
After that you do a little Democrat bashing, but not that much. You kind of pick it up later in the article. Anyway, I think it would be funny if you criticized the left side consistently through out the article. This could be a good time to use your creative thinking, just make stuff up like, "Did you know that Democrats like to rape baby Kangaroo's before throwing them into wood chippers?" Okay, so that's not that good of an example, but you get what I'm trying to say, right?
In the next paragraph you talk about how Australia is the third greatest country in the world, I personally think that is the best part of the whole article. Hilarious. Good job. Also in that paragraph she talks about following her on Twitter. I think it would be funny if she plugged things through out the article (like she did with Twitter).
The next part about how "those elites say you can’t make a difference" is a bit short, but I think it has a lot of potential to be funny. Maybe if you said something after "cause now I’m on FOX News!" like, "And do you know why I joined FOX News? To report the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; the truth those elites can't see. Like the obvious fact that Obama, or as I like to call him, Hitler, is a Muslim." That may not be the right thing, but I still think you should expand there.
Then the next part, the Momma Kangaroo part is fine except I found myself having to read it more than once to get what you were trying to say. More on this in the prose and formatting section.
I like the next part where she explains what the tea party's all about, specifically all those plugs she does for things like Facebook, Twitter, and the dinner in Singapore. Te only thing that threw me about this section was the last sentence that said "We honour your service every time we use you to attack the Left." there are two things wrong with this (1 I don't think a tea partier would ever refer to it as "attacking the left". (2 I don't think you should say "use you". You might want to change it to something like "We honour your service every time you help us to put the left in their place" or "We honour your service every time you help us to prove the Democrats wrong" Just saying.
The next part about the Australians "trying real hard" is hilarious. Just saying.
The part after that, also hilarious, except that first sentence, it's too confusing to understand.
Then the next part about their "President" being a Communist, funny, but I think you could make it funnier if you compared them to bad guys (ie. Hitler, Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, ect.).
After that there's nothing I can see wrong except when you say "And I’ll be right here, standing shoulder to shoulder with you, inspiring you with these video messages." You might want to change it to something like "And I’ll be right here, standing shoulder to shoulder with you, well not actually shoulder to shoulder more like shoulder to television screen, I'll be in a video message."
|Concept:||6||It's an okay concept, not the most original (style wise), but an okay one. What I mean to say is, I've seen articles written like an address and I've seen articles written like a Republican. And even though I can't remember where, I feel like I've seen articles where the two were combined (like here). So yeah, not very original, but this may be one of the best I've seen in any of those styles.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||For the most part fine, but the article seems a little jumpy, especially in the beginning. Like in one paragraph you'll be talking about one thing, then in the next you'll be talking about something different without any transition. It gets quite annoying.
Also, it's kind of an unwritten that you should try not to start sentences with the word "and"
Other than that, there is one part where you say "cause now I’m on FOX News!" it should be "'cause" not "cause". And the like to the "Australian revolution" page is red.
|Images:||6||Well, there's nothing really wrong with the images, it's just they're kind of generic, and the captions (especially the first one) are too. Although, in all fairness, I can't really think of any better images (or captions) to use. But still, try to use your imagination.
I will however say that I think linking Patriotism to Racism was fuckin' hilarious.
|Miscellaneous:||6.5||Your score averaged.|
|Final Score:||32.5||So this is an OK article, not great, but not terrible either. It just needs some touch ups, and some expansion, and it could be really good. Hope I helped.|
|Reviewer:||-- 21:21, May 5, 2011 (UTC)|