Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Salsa (music)
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This is my first major project on Uncyclopedia. The article is a complete rewrite with a more academic tone. A few of the jokes require some knowledge of Spanish – I hope this is OK.
- I'll have a go at this one. I love salsa, especially with tortilla chips. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 03:25 Wednesday, September 15, 2010
- Reviewing now. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 03:16 Thursday, September 16, 2010
|Humour:||9||The introduction is a solid introduction paragraph- it reads like an encyclopedia article and has humor infused in it. The only comment I have on the intro is the bit about gringos and whatever they consider "hot." It didn't make much sense to me when I read it, but with a bit of rewording, it can fit in with the rest of the article quite nicely. Overall, the intro grabs the reader and keeps their attention.
The next section, regarding the music's history, subject matter, and popularity is just as sound as the opening paragraph. The history subsection is very well done, it transitions from event to event quite nicely, but the only complaint I have with it is the use of the term barrios, and in general, the use of Spanish words without an English translation next to them. I had to think as to what barrio meant, and right now, I can't remember whether it's Spanish for cow, neighborhood, or folder. English translations, even as simple as including the word's English counterpart in parentheses, could help this article (in general, not just this section or subsection) along the way. Plus, you could always give a fake translation, which may add to the humor of the article. The subsection regarding the subject matter could be improved. Compared with the rest of the article, it is the shortest part (along with the subsection after it, Popularity), and it stands out for that reason. What you have already is fine, you could just expand or include more.
The section regarding dancing is fine enough, but it shouldn't really be the final section. Perhaps you could incorporate a section about the future of salsa dancing? I was actually a bit disappointed with the ending, or lack thereof. It just ends. The ending is alright for the ending of a section, but not for an article. Too abrupt- it's like you're at the climax of a movie, and then the credits start to roll. A proper ending to the article can bring out the article and make it shine, and I think that you have the ability to make a proper ending.
|Concept:||9||Your concept is original, and it has potential. I went into what could be improved above, with regards to your ending, and I think that you can make this article even better than it is. With regards to your ending, why not involve something regarding hovercars or the 1960s view of the future? The title could be changed as well- might I suggest that you rename it Salsa (music style)- so as not to throw off people like myself, who thought we were going to be reading an article about salsa dip.|
|Prose and formatting:||10||Excellent prose and formatting. The encyclopedic tone fits quite nicely, it plays the straight man to the humor in the article and thus makes it better overall. I would not be surprised to see this on VFH at some point, and I could see this as a featured article in the future. The style stays the same throughout, and that is a benefit for the article.|
|Images:||7||The only complaint I have regards the first image. It's a circle graph, and the caption isn't all that funny. It's in contrast to the rest of the article, both in style and the fact that it deals with Cuban food, which doesn't have anything to do with salsa music. Maybe either remove the image or change it and the caption? The other two images are alright- they themselves aren't funny, but their captions make up for it.|
|Miscellaneous:||8.8||Averaged your score, and the score is raised to the first power.|
|Final Score:||43.8||You have a knack for writing, this is evident in the article and how it's presented, and I think you can go places with it, just listen to what I've said here and you're good!|
|Reviewer:||Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 03:52 Thursday, September 16, 2010|