Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Rusty's Raping Rampage
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I wanted to take a break from parodying specific things and try a generic literature parody instead. I think it turned out well, but I thought a second opinion would be useful before I VFH it. ~jcm 01:51, November 28, 2011 (UTC)
- I promised to do this a while back. Way back. Farther back than I am proud of. It's hard to be reliable around here. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 10:31, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
|Humour:||8.5||What can I say? You did a really good job and I actually found myself laughing at some bits and let me tell you, it's hard to make me laugh with crude articles of this style. You did really good, but I do have some suggestions. For one, in the background section, I don't think this line is necessary, "Because he was dead and could not speak." A little redundant and although I like redundant lines like those, most people on this site seem to be against them. Dunno why, people around here make a big deal about it, so it might be of interest to you to delete it. At the same time, I notice you ride on the redundancy thing in the RAPE section. That, I personally think, is funny but that's just me. I've done something like that before and people didn't like it either. These people really have something against redundancy. What the hell though, I suggest keeping it and telling them to sod off, it's your article and I like that kind of humour.
Another suggestion might be to expand on the character Foxy Grandma. You state that she gets her revenge but Crusty shoots her. It might be interesting if you go in-depth of that scenario. That's not a priority though and entirely up to you if you wish to do that.
Also, this line "Women's rights exist, too." It seems a little out of place, although I do get the joke you are going for. I would suggest expanding it a bit with a sentence that makes it more relevant as right now, it's a little random as I don't see how the book shows women's right at all. Just something to think about.
Aside from that, overall your article is really good. All issues are minor and not really detrimental to the article. Some minor work ups and fix ups and your article will be perfect, or close to it at least.
|Concept:||9||Interesting concept, is this based off of something? I think I remember seeing something on South Park similar to this, but I'm not sure. Wherever you got the idea, you executed it fantastically. That's all I really have to say about your concept, good job. Now let's move on...|
|Prose and formatting:||9||One the best grammar I've seen in a while. Thanks for that, I really despise it when people expect reviewers to read work that they haven't enough decency to proof-read beforehand. There were a couple of mistakes though, nothing too major and I doubt anyone will look too in-depth into your article to find them. One thing I did find though was in this line "Like The Catcher in the Rye encourages people to kill celebrities." I think you forget to include the word 'how.' Also here, "we'll finally have world peace." I think it should be "we'd," but I'm not too sure. I would just advise you to re-read your article for any other mistakes. I think you're fine overall though.|
|Images:||8.5||Images were pretty clever and captions were short and to the point, which is good. One thing I do want to point out is that image of the protesters. I was a little confused about your caption saying that photos of Rusty were used by protestors, but I couldn't see in that image any pictures of Rusty. Were you going to photoshop them in, or was I missing something while looking at it? I'm not really sure what you going for, so the best thing I can suggest is to change the image with something that has pictures of Rusty being held by the protesters. Can't really say anything else, pretty good images.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||I must say, I skeptical when I read the title as I'm not a big fan of these crude concepts, but you did well. At least in my opinion, as it was the right amount of crude language combined with good satire, as opposed to the simply crude crap that most users like to write. Overall, a very good job here man, very good.|
|Final Score:||45||Once again, sorry about this being so late. I've been spending some time away from uncyc for a while with the holidays and all that lovely stuff. Anyways, I relaly liked your article and look forward to more of your writing. I hope you found my review to be good enough for your expectations. Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 22:50, January 2, 2012 (UTC)|