Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Russo-Japanese War
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This is an article I wrote with Blarg4 and GrandOverlord of the Homeport collaborativley. Ok Blarg4 actually wrote most of it but us other two came up with some ideas and added things on after learning about this colossal waste of time in Social Studies. LedZoso4 00:12, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
edit How It All Came to Be
This is what happens when we let GRANDOVERLORD out of his cage. I started with the idea of Japanese battle robots in the early 1900's and gradually escalated into this.
We all think it's a good article, we actually showed it to our history teacher and he was amazed, but we'd like to work out some of the kinks and get an opinion from someone who doesn't know us personally. Blarg4 20:52, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||It's pretty funny. Conceptually, at least, it's very funny. My only problem has to do with execution of the jokes moreso than the jokes themselves. You should play up how the Japanese were vastly better equpided than the Russians were. Something along the lines of:
"...a conflict fought between the Japanese military--made up of ninjas, giant battle robots, and mosters--and the Russian military--made up of drunken peasants with sharpened sticks."
Also, you should play up the fact that no one gives a shit about this war, and therefore little is known about it becasue few have bother to study it.
Finally, I would play up how great Teddy Roosevelt is.
|Concept:||9||Like I said above, your ideas are great, I just don't like the execution very much. I'll explain more in the prose section.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||This is the real weak point of the article. Your spelling is just fine, but your tone really takes away a lot. You have a lot of "well, you see..." phrases, which make the article sound juvenile. Instead, you should take a scholarly tone to contrast the ridiculous subject matter of the article. I gave you similar advice in your other article--I know--but with this little "series" you've got going on I think it's far and away the best route to take.|
|Images:||6||Believe it or not, I think you've got too many picures. Three or four good ones do a lot better than five average ones, half of which are the size of a fingernail. Fix that. Loose the passed out guy and the Godzilla picture, because neither add very much, plus are of things not even mentioned in the rest of the article. I would also enlist the help of one of our phine photoshoppers to make the robot photo in black-and-white, so it actually looks like a photograph from 1905.|
|Final Score:||34||Clean this up a bit, and you may have a feature on your hands.|
|Reviewer:||—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:45, 25 May 2009 (UTC)|