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My page sucks. Just admit it. Which I'm sure you trolls would have no problem doing. I've got a really busy life right now and I'm also very lazy. But if someone gives me some half decent advice, I'll fix it up (you can edit it as much as you want) I just want to try and save this page. Bob.kebob 22:33, May 10, 2011 (UTC) I got this -- 02:35, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Okay, first thing...the fact that you said I'm lazy doesn't really inspire me to spend time doing the pee review and giving you recommendations when of course, you can always reflect on things (for instance while you are driving on a hi way, standing in the supermarket line, on the metro) but you are looking for advice and you really want to save a page, so I'm happy to write this all out. Anyways, first advice, when someone leaves you waiting for them on a street corner running 15 minutes late, why not think about your article?! :)
It seems like you admit that there are problems with the page and that you like things given to you straight. In my humble opinion, yes, this page is a disaster and needs a complete and total utter rewrite. I really dont find a single thing on the page funny. The only thing that made me slightly smile was the male pattern baldness. The pictures, the lists, the bathroom humour seems childish, the article is all over the place and there are no complex jokes. The humour is based solely on relating characters to doing awful or sexual stuff (but without any attempt to make it seems nuanced, meaningfully funny). In order to write in the humour, you have to have an idea of what the article is really about though. Our "out of office and missing" SPIKE gave lots of really great one line advice to me, most of it quite useful. One of them was "an article thats really close to the truth with a joke once in a while, is way more entertaining then lots of random and meaningless jokes without any relation to reality". I don't really know rugrats well, I have seen half an episode a long time ago. Your article begins with the appearance of a wikipedia article, relating true things about the show, it then dives with the soap opera transformation and the menwithbiggerdicks joke. Heres an example of how the paragraph might stretch out relating the article to reality and inserting a joke:
Rugrats is an animated cartoon show aired on most stations dedicated to cartoon like programming, children programming, animated programming and a few stations which are not about animated programming but still none the less decide to air a few animated television shows hidden their daytime schedule on early Saturday mornings.
See how this is slightly just barely comical even though everything here is entirely true. Lets continue slightly stretching reality but still quite plausibly true:
It is also illegally downloaded by some users who seem to find the show funny but are old enough to download the show and mature enough to know better.
Still quite likely true though Im not sure if this actually happens. I have not had to introduce women being fucked by big cocks. More ideas:
The show is based on very young children who are incapable of dealing with adult situations yet seem to be able to not only create complex drama but also hold serious conversations as well as narrate this by speaking like adults, yet with squeaky voices...
The ... means, here you can enter some sort of adult humour if you can come up with something really clever. We've spent enough time talking about reality, setting up some mildly funny ideas and now you can bash the reader over the head with something super funny. I have no idea what that punch line would be. In any case, things to think about while writing. I cant really suggest much more because the article doesn't yet have a concept (see below):
|Concept:||1||The article is a paragraph talking about the show and women doing the voices, a short list of characters and then a paragraph with random sentences and ideas at the end. There is no structure, concept or over all idea. You could decide to simply copy the structure of a wikipedia article (copying the wikipedia article on Rugrats wouldnt be a bad idea). Though only the structure should be copied and not the content. By doing this you could write a section for each section that there is on the wikipedia article and in each one write in a serious way leading up to a punchline (or even better yet, infusing humour into the aritlce in the middle of the paragraphs).
Thats one way you could structure the article. You could also however focus on one character (why not the baby with male pattern baldness). you could follow the characters life as a baby with an adult mentality. Or you could relate that character with an actual person in life. A very cheesy idea would be to make the character seem like Hitler, which is easy to write but hard to make original or funny. You could relate the character to Justin Bieber (the reverse concept, someone who is becoming an adult but seemingly becoming less mature every day). Or you could play on the bored house wives theme you talked about, how the cartoon became a soap opera, this however would need serious expansion, a lot of creativity and a will to keep away from random fart jokes. But use this as the principal concept, develop this throughout the article. Doing this instead of talking about several random ideas will make the article a whole lot better. In any case, I think doing a good number on rugrats will require time. If you are busy, think of concepts and possibilities while you are waiting in line, like I said earlier, or when you are totally boared at work. When you are in an excruciatingly boring business meeting, pretend you are listening to your boss, but actually think about the article and creative ideas :)
|Prose and formatting:||2||Its really all over the place, listy, random and there are more images than ideas. Read above and below for more.|
|Images:||2||The first image already sets the scene for the article, go fuck yourself doesn't really inspire me when seeing the article for the first time to take what you are writing seriously. The image at the bottom on the other hand, could be funny if this is mentioned in the article. Perhaps if the article was about how the character slowly spiralled out of control, for instance, frustrated at being an adult in a child's body, and could no longer take it becoming violent with the other characters. Then this image would be funny. The middle image is okay, but its not funny and not explicitly related to the article (except being form the show). If you get structure into the article, it wont be hard to then find images more related to what the article is about, including images that arent screen copies from the cartoon.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||Ten points cause you seem eager and have the energy to take this project on. GOODLUCK!|
|Final Score:||17||As I have said, the article as it is, is a jumble of random ideas and statements whose humour is based mostly on making the characters and people who watch is seem stupid and whatnot. That's not a big deal if you can explain why they are so stupid, and build that up within a clear structure (and even better with an overall idea in mind) and with some well built up humour as well. Good luck, I'm sure it will be fun!|
|Reviewer:||--21:56, May 12, 2011 (UTC)|