Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Royal Bear Force

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edit Royal Bear Force

Humour: 3.5 Too much random stuff.
Concept: 6 I do think there's a bit of mileage in this.
Prose and formatting: 4 Pop this in for a proofread and myself or another member of the Comma Patrol will give it a thorough going over for you.
Images: 3 The first three are at least relevant. The very first is a quick and lazy photoshop. I quite like the second one. The fourth looks irrelevant (ie it mentions an RBF journalist, but there's not a bear in the pic). The Bush one, well - see the comments.
Miscellaneous: 5 It does seem quite miscellaneous in places. Tighten it up and keep it focussed.
Final Score: 21.5 It needs work, but there's some decent bits in there. See below for more detail.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:42, 4 September 2007 (UTC)


Further comments:

It's too listy. Consider removing a couple of the lists, or replacing them with paragraphs. Uniform could go - it adds no funny, and the statement "The bear force does not actually wear uniform" contradicts the image right next to it. And the trivia could be changed. The bear fight line has potential, the rest is pointless. The members lists are questionable, and all 3 is overkill, consider removing at least one. I quite like the battlefield commands.

The Lord of The Rings stuff seems irrelevant, random and unfunny. It doesn't really fit with the article. I'd consider discarding it. If it must stay in, just one battle would be better, and look slightly absurd alongside the "real world" based examples. Similarly, the Pokemon line is pointless.

Massive numbers aren't really funny - zillions of casualties, zillions of troops etc.

Have a(nother?) look at HTBFANJS and work on this a lot more. I think it could be a worthwhile article, but it needs a lot of spadework to get there.

Hope this helps. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:42, 4 September 2007 (UTC)

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